Tunnels End

Evening everyone,
Something beautiful happened last night. While writing my post last night reviewing several things that happened through my year, a little spark resounded in my heart. That little spark got bigger and bigger with every word I typed, every picture that I archived, every memory and feeling that resurfaced about 2012. After three hours of work at 3am as I layed my head down to finally sleep I realized that this was the first time in several months I actually stayed up to do something. I wanted it done, I had to see the ending. This morning I realized; that little spark was my old self thats been waiting for myself this whole time.

If you read the post or have been following my blog for sometime you know that I've been in a funk for sometime now. I have not been anything that I used to be; rather, I've been almost a lesser person than I was. I just had no real enthusiasm for things, my creativity was slipping, and my energy was cut by less than half. This year was brutal on me with all my completing things and growing up. I was honestly about to believe that I would never be that multi-tasking, energized, positive young lady again. That was until now...

The post really had me see everything right in front of me, where I had gone, and most importantly all of the emotions that had shaped my decisions and reaction to things. I was an ambitious newly grad ready to take the world on, but the world threw me a fast one and it was nothing that I had read or imagined. Did I fail? No. Was it my fault? Some of it yes, but it all turned out for the better.

I was astonished at the change even physically I went through. I never discussed it, but through my depression starting on about April I had dropped 30 lbs this year from eating like a bird. Anything with oil or salt would send me into gagging fits. I couldn't sleep at night from shaking with no food in me, but I couldn't eat. The Doctor diagnosed it as a form of nervosa that was similar to my condition many years before when I moved for the first time. I suffered until about August, when I started to go out more.

Right now my body is just flabby. It feels strange, I don't really mind whatever weight I am, but my skin has gone through hell and back. I have little bubbly bumps under my skin around my arms and my belly which have never been there, but I'm getting used to it. I now live in moisturizing heaven 24/7 taking care of my thinned skin un-stretched and flabby as they often feel sore. The darker stretch marks are the worst, they inflame depending on the weather. My unintentional weight-loss has not been glamorous.

 

I'm actually very shy about my body, not only because of my weight but because of the abuse I've put it through over the years. When I'm on the job I'm in the public's eye and its a constant battle with myself to push my confidence in my knowledge and leadership before my insecurities. I try not to dwell in it that much, because there's so much to live for other than insecurities. I realize now that this is a time of discover for me, to bring who I am now and what I was before together in harmony marking my lessons of life learned for this time.

This morning I was inspired, a very enthused inspired! I had proven that I CAN push myself again and my mind is capable of intense concentration. This was no fluke or stroke of luck; this was what I had forgotten. I decided to mark this epiphany I pulled out my Nikon and did self-portraits. Last time I did self-portraits was in 2009, I got my first degree and moved to a new house, things were changing then as well.

I call this series Tunnels End because I feel like I finally see the light at the end! I love the shadows that had cast on my bedroom wall in a way to represent time and the filtering of light before me. The light reflections on my hanging pictures also show images of the world outside. I was comfortable to be in my own skin today, and most importantly in my own mind. I never want to lose sight of this feeling and I don't want to call this another 'fling'. I've missed me for too long to let it.

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My 10th

Tea Spectral caught the cold, so for her sake, I made this video to help her blog. 

Happy Holidays everyone!

Cheers,

Eugene.

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Out and Abouts: Original Thai BBQ

I know that I recently did an Out & Abouts this week, but I couldn't help myself for this special occasion. This afternoon Eugene and I took Candice to fill out paperwork to her new job! Can you tell that she's happy? From working at a fabric store for 5 years to an Office Manager. She got her Christmas & Birthday wish all in one.

Her work is also a 10 minute drive on side streets from Eugene's place. I'll be giving her rides to work starting Monday until she gets better acquainted with things. We asked him a good place to eat for lunch and we went to this place just around the corner.

I love this place when your in a group looking for good food. They have family combinations that are under $30 and can feed a family of four. You know me and good cheap Asian Food, I never get tired of it. We ordered the C-2 Family combination.

 Here's what we got:

Clear Soup: Your standard chicken and vegetable clear soup. Mmm I love the little mushrooms and onions in it. You can tell that it comes out with the flame in the middle to keep it warm. I almost finished all of this immediately. Asian soup is so simple yet so yummy!

Honey Spare Ribs: Yeah, these ribs fall right off the bone. They're so tasty with a light honey sweet marinate. I'm not sure why they include the sweet chili sauce with it as it's pretty sweet by itself. They're also pretty saucy and spread well on the rice.

Yellow Chicken Curry: Oh yes, the sweet spicy curry! I love the potatoes that come with it. The sauce is lightly sweeter than most Thai curries because they add a bit of pineapple to the mix.

Broccoli Beef: Unlike the Chinese version, this has a much thinner sauce that is lightly sweeter. The beef is also sliced thinner so you get more of the Broccoli.

It's been awhile since I've had some Thai food so I was more than obliged to go. We had so much left overs it was ridiculous. It was a good token for Candice to take home before she got ready for her current job and put in her two week notice this evening. Wow, can you belive the years almost over? So many exciting things!

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Christmas at Tea Rose Garden: Winter Garden Tea Blend

 There's something magical about the holidays combined with tea. It seems to keep the whimsy of traditions past and brings the smells, glow, and dreamy ideals all into one. No other place I know gives me this feeling more than The Tea Rose Garden; a hidden jewel in Old Town Pasadena. 

I've grown to love this little shop; first as a customer and later as part of the shop family. Tea Rose Garden was my celebration after finals, where my first solo gallery was featured, and my first job after college early this year. My history now runs along with this shop. I am so blessed to have it in my life; the shop and people behind it.

In the city where the Rose Parade runs through every beginning of the year, and the town is decked with utmost splendor, Tea Rose replaces the fountain in the center of the tea room with a huge tree that graces the ceiling. Large poinsettias cover the base and the walls are decked with lights and garlands. Many families in the area make their Christmas Tea a yearly tradition. Every time I go in for a visit I'm so happy to see the friends and family sharing tea and conversations. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy to somehow be a part of this. 

Seasonal; treats come out this time of the year. The newest addition is the Chocolate Peppermint Cupcake. Finally! A holiday treat for chocolate lovers!

The famous treat that people look forward to is the Eggnog Mousse Cake. It's so light and delicate, much like a traditional Coconut Cake without the coconut shavings but replaced with thick eggnog custard. 

Another thing that comes out this time of the year is the Christmas Tea Blend. I love the bits of peppermint leaves with citrus and spices. There's also a little bit of rose in it, which is a trait with most of the mixed blends and the Tea Rose Garden.

Something new this year, which is my doing, is a new Tea Blend! Grace, the owner, asked me to try my hand at selling some of my tea blends at the shop. My debut flavor is the Winter Garden. I wanted this tea to reflect the frosty cooler side to the season. To keep with the Tea Rose Garden themes I wanted it to feel like you were walking into a garden in winter. The high notes that I chose were Cranberry, Clove and Sage. After notes I added were the light taste of Plum, Lavender, and Bergamot. Its been a hit so far, something I've been really proud of.

Helping out at Tea Rose has been taking up most of my afternoons these days. I'm glad I got to share this with those of you that have been supporting and reading this blog. Hope you're holiday doings are wonderful. 

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Out & Abouts: Pink Mango

 

I feel so ridiculously spoiled knowing that I have a yogurt bar down the street from my house. What I love the most about it is that it's run by a husband and wife as a small retirement idea. I love supporting small business when I can as they really add character to a community. This is one of the main reasons that I started my Out & Abouts series, so that I can spread the good word about them.

What I love the most about the Pink Mango is how laid back the atmosphere is. This place gets most of their foot traffic from the neighborhood and the video store next door. Most of the people come in will tell you that they're picking up some yogurt for a movie night.If your not up for yogurt they also do smoothies, coffee, boba, and waffles. You can go as healthy or as indulgent as you want! From flax-seed to sweetened condense milk they have it all.

I also love the great variety of fruits that they have on top of their decadent toppings. They also come up with some delicious yogurt flavors that they change up each week. I'm in love with their papaya, red velvet, angel food cake, and watermelon sorbet. This time I went for a tart and papaya yogurt with loads of fruits, almonds, and mochi. Mmm I'm such a sucker for fruit and cream anything.

I should mention how epic their waffles are! They can mix anything that they have into the batter. Eugene's quite the opposite in taste preference than me as he's a chocolate lover! His waffle was a nutella batter waffle with gingerbread yogurt, hot fudge, and a tiny bit of fruit. It was sinful! Its always so funny how opposite we can be.

It was a quaint date and yogurt can be so fun and laid back. It makes for the best conversations at times. What's your favorite toppings?

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Crossing Fingers: Nov/Dec

November was one of those wild child months for me. Considering that October went like clockwork I assumed that November would not steer so far from the course. Wow, was I wrong! November stepped up to bat with a ton of new opportunity and responsibilities that I had no ideas would be there. I'm not necessarily upset about it, rather I welcome it to be what it is. 

If you're not familiar with Crossing Fingers, I pick three goals for the month and I focus on them.

November Results:

1.NaNoWriMo: This challenge started out great and then other things ran in the path of it. I'm driven nuts that I have yet another year without a good decent hunk of novel. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was frustrated about this, but half way through this month I had to make a decision between my opportunity and my novel. Painfully I couldn't have both so I gently placed my sweet novel to the side. *sigh* I'm also learning that November just isn't a good month for novel writing for me, am I the only one that feels like this?

2. Meditate Daily: After my first meditation class, I started to read Diana Rossen's book: Meditations with Tea. If one thing I was able to follow through with this month I was so grateful it was this! I've started to feel more grounded and solid this past month sorting out what exactly has been going on inside me and getting to the bottom of things. I'm not finished with the book since it's one of those you don't want to rush, but I can't wait to share with you my discoveries from reading it!

3. Spend less: This challenge was a 50/50 turn out. Yes I did end up spending more money that I'd wish, but since I cut out the urge to spend it all at once I got to do everything I wanted and then some. The highlight of this challenge was not spending lavishly on my mini holiday. Without forcing myself to get souvineers and shop I was able to focus on savoring and enjoying what I had before me. I was also able to get my hand dirty again getting creative in the kitchen and in my art again. Seems like all this time inspiration was right under my nose and I was choking it with luxuries.

December Challenge:

1. Write a 2 Year Business Plan: This is probably going to be the thing that will be taking up most of my month this December. I won't reveal the exact details about the business plan until I'm done with it. But I'll go as far to say that I'm excited with any results that will come out of this plan that I create.

2. Read: Ah yes, so looking forward to finishing up my Goodreads year challenge. I feel so guilty when I want to dive into a book in the month of November because of NaNoWriMo and I feel like I should be writing. So many books I've put on hold that I would love to finish and share with you. I'm looking forward to curling up to a book every evening in this colder weather.

3. Create: After enough practice meditating, I'm ready to get my creative on! Writing, Drawing, Painting, I want all of that good stuff again. How much of this I'll be able to do with the Business Plan I'm not sure, but I sure want to try and make sure I make time for it.

There it is, another month of challenges...
*Crossing Fingers* 

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