Well, the show went wonderful! I really think the cast shined! I look forward to the post with the recap of the event. Everything was beautiful and had a bit of a decadent flare to it.
But what I wasn't expecting is how exhausted I was going to be. I know that Eugene and I are utterly brain dead still ,and it's been feeling a bit like we're scraping out mighty gray masses off of the floor. To be honest, we haven't done much at all since then... It was a weekend filled with bottle neck cider, pizza, and red wine. Lots of discussion and lounging around. Oh... And my lovely trip to Barnes and Noble today, with the return of pumpkin everything!
I thought I would write a 'thoughts' post of what we've concluded these past few days. Bottom line: sustenance is thriving in what you do best. This is a tricky line to balance between life objectively, and life ideally.
Everyone needs to live and that pesky day job seems to get in the way most of the time. Yet when it comes down to it, are we really honestly not fulfilling the point of sustaining ourselves unless we are gaining our wealth of happiness? When we complete our last breath on this world what have we really made of ourselves? I know for me I want to make sure that I leave my stories behind for people to enjoy the imagination I'm left with. I see little white hairs coming in various parts of my head which is a gentle reminder that I need to live each day.
In the end, the world you make for yourself is what you'll get. Living is not about 'treating' ourselves, but learning to experience the good and the bad... I think that's my cue to start writing...
With a tall glass of water on a balmy August night, I came here to blog
not realizing that here it was right in front of me. My hundredth post
is waiting for me to take it for all it's worth! I feel utterly blessed
that I have come this far. I've been thinking of how I could make this
post special. I've seen the 100 facts about me post done often, and it
was an appealing ideal. To be honest, I think 100 facts about me with
the strangers of the internet just doesn't seem all that appealing.
Lately
an occurring theme with myself has been pursuing a sense of self and
presenting myself to others as something pure. Not per-say saving my
face, but a fairly accurate representation that doesn't drag them into a
forced engagement. I also acknowledge the responsibility that I have
to the people I love and how my decisions affect them.
So with all this in mind, I've decided to do 100 lessons I've learned on the brink of turning 30.
(In no particular order)
1. It's okay not to understand everything about the universe.
2. The meaning of life is to find what gifts you were born with and to use them to their fullest.
3. If you follow lesson 2, you will be a much happier person.
4. Jealousy is a mask with no holes to see or breathe through.
5. Relish in the smiles you give yourself with the thoughts in your head, they are for you to feel cheek to cheek.
6. Jobs are not everything.
7. Your career is still yours to keep.
8. Animals have souls.
9. Loving someone is the only dance that no matter how many times you practice it, it will never become a routine.
10. You will never fully understand the effect you have on others lives with the art of giving, this is humbling.
11. Valor is still alive if even one person practices it, so spread the act.
12. Acknowledge age or you will lose your footing as you tread through life.
13. Death is a journey that your loved ones follow by tracking your steps, so choose wisely now or they may slip.
14. Your parents are human too, try to understand your childhood with this in mind.
15. The strongest of souls shed the most tears.
16. Tea can make you think twice if you're bipolar, even after the 1st sip.
17. Get familiar with this act: 'Letting go lovingly'
18. Go ahead and get into that fight, test what your relationships are made of.
19. You were happy as a child because you did the things you loved without a second thought of making time for them.
20. Sleeping on decisions is probably always the best way to start.
21. Multitasking is a fictional thing from the land of foolish pride.
22. With lesson 21 in mind, No one enjoys remembering the 'rushed' details. Savor...
23. With 22 in mind, if it matters to you, pull no stops.
24. You will relearn the word friendship. Everything you've been taught about it is a lie. Starting with people can teach you about friendship.
25. Never brew Green Tea on full boil, you just wasted so much flavor.
26. Depression is a verb, and yours involves everyone you come in contact with; even strangers.
27. It takes a conscious effort to build a big heart. Good news is that your eyes will see further.
28. There is a big difference with embracing and dwelling in hitting the ground. But both of them you can't get up from on your own.
29. Prayer is strength, it lets you stand on something beyond what's in front of you.
30. Most of the objects you think are valuable are usually not as big of an investment that you think you are.
31. Contentment and Comfortable are two completely different things you will always have to revisit.
32. A clean home matters.
33. Even though it seems highly opinionated, the internet is saturated with one track thinking.
34. I assure you; as pretty as it looks in the photo, plus size clothing off of ebay and Amazon is almost always a bad idea.
35. That one go to store account will be a matter of life and death at one point. Do it a favor and treat it like your first born.
36. When in doubt: Boba.
37. Things made by hand mean just as much to you as they do for the ones you give them to.
38. Water makes a difference, make time for it.
39. Sometimes you need to be broke, because it gets you creative.
40. If you feel detached, think of the last thing that you threw all you passion to and find it again at all costs.
41. You really can't have too many black pieces of clothing, especially dresses.
42. It never seizes to amaze me how much an individual's wine choice says about them. (FYI - Mine is very deep reds)
43. Go ahead, be ridiculous in public.
44. In regards to lesson 43, if people are, they care more about themselves.
45. You will never make peace with anyone unless you learn to forgive yourself.
46. Yes, you do eventually understand what happened through time. It might take years but the answer will be simple.
47. Taking time to care for your body is not a luxury, just an indulgent necessity.
48. Never take sleep for granted.
49. Dignity doesn't mean Perfection.
50. As much as Integrity doesn't mean perfection.
51. Better yet, Perfection is dirty word in the humane handbook.
52. 'Those shoes' will always be a bad idea, they will taunt you collecting dust in your closet as you relive the memories of the blisters they gave you that one night.
53. A well read person does make a difference. Especially the one that explores the vast world of genre choices.
54. Believing in yourself is bravery, don't think otherwise.
55. No writer regrets writing, they regret not.
56. An open ears are for open hearts, not chatty mouths.
57. If your a human being, you will always be naive in one way or another.
58. Yes, there is such a thing as too much lip gloss.
59. Art is important.
60. You're stronger than you think you are.
61. Marriage changes everything in a relationship, no matter how many years you've played 'hubby and wifey'. It will change your life, and the way others treat you for the better.
62. Let your friends buy you wine. Don't you dare think of fighting it!
63. A well made cuppa can make all the difference.
64. Don't fall for the 'you deserve it mantra', life is about balancing pleasure and work.
65. Always make time for your pets, they have so much to teach you.
66. Your instinct is almost always right. It's more accurate than logic.
67. Find the simple things that make you feel comfy and do them daily. (Mine is the feeling of stretching and turning in sheets when you just wake up)
68. Your idea of a family is what you make it. But this doesn't exempt you from reaching out and trying to make a connection.
69. Oh yeah, and your mother ends up becoming one of your best friends. (I promise)
70. Infact, you start to realize that phrase 'You're like your mom/dad' is not really a bad thing.
71. Yes, putting things on hold is not a bad thing. There are other forms of 'vacation' and only so much you can take.
72. Inspiration is flirty and knows that everyone wants her. She doesn't entertain the lazy waiting for her.
73. 'If I could go back in time' and 'If I could change on thing' is plain silly.
74. Walks do help.
75. Put your heart and thoughts into your hugs and kisses.
76. Don't over think sex, that's doing it wrong.
77. The people whose eyes wander are the ones that are giving up the fight on society, it's a sad thing.
78. Thank the present and welcome the future.
79. Most of the things in your storage are things you think you don't have.
80. Wear your heart on your sleeve and an iron gauntlet on your hand.
81. Humor is best shared.
82. 'Fighting' for your life never ends. So rejuvenate.
83. Words do hurt, because they will stay with people forever. Wounds can heal.
84. Don't be scared to ask for compensation for your talent.
85. At the same time, learn to use your talents as an art of blessing others.
86. Only do so much in a day, I dare you.
87. Discover yourself through your ancestry. Traits are not fictional.
88. To live the moment, you must learn to savor what's around you and what's inside of you all at once.
89. On the note of savoring 'For the experience' is a bastard answer.
90. A real woman is can state her presence without words or actions.
91. No one actually hates themselves, some are just in pain, or care more about others.
92. There is beauty in the 'in between'
93. My best advice in seeking love is to pursuit it as you would want that person to pursuit you.
94. Don't get muddled by drama, you will never fully get it.
95. Kindness to others is always the first connection to another's story.
96. No one can tell you what to do with your body, but it doesn't hurt harm you to keep an open mind.
97. Destiny is how you chase it.
98. If he knows the balance of battles and reverence, then you have a man.
99. Chasing fame is a deadly illness.
100. Passion for what you love is not a fire, it's a forest that grows slowly and majestically over time.
Evening everyone,
I wanted to make sure to catch all of you before the year ends. We made it! Through the end of the world and back, 2012 seems to be the challenging year. It almost feels like it doesn't want to let go yet, and it wants to put in a good punch before the bell rings.
I've been away lately because of a roller coaster of emotions and news that has been on me like a pack of wolves. I've been all over the place these days emotionally with the challenges that 2013 will bring. I notice many feeling the anxiety; that little walk of shame that the year was nothing you expected it to be. It always seems to creep in doesn't it? Life just takes you by the horns and wrangles you here and there; just enough to leave you dizzy and disoriented. Well you know what, thats ok. Infact, you're doing great.
Think these times like a cupcake. A beautiful, dare I say modern societies forbidden fruit, is bite size waiting just for you to indulge. Its sweet, enjoyable, perhaps a mix of sugar rush and bliss made for you to go for. When all thats left are the crumbs and the wrapper was it worth it? Did you eat it too fast? Or do you ever think "Well, that wasn't a big enough." In the end, you saw that cupcake and you went for it.
Life will throw you personal cupcakes. They're a flavor of life that is all your own. Sometimes you just need to dig in, savor it, or just fall into that little bit of comfort. It's a cupcake! Not a buffet! Perhaps it was just what you were craving and started your appetite. Then there are times when your just full, tired, or not in the mood. You might have to reject that cupcake or save it for a better time. Don't beat yourself up, because in the end it's not a race of who eats the most cupcakes; its if you enjoyed yours. When you put life that way doesn't competition and idealism just sound silly?
What if you hate lemon? Only have a taste for chocolate? Only have room for one? Who out there can change your taste? One can only lovingly recommend to change your opinion. Your taste may be similar to others that you get along and understand them, that's wonderful, share! Never lose fact that your taste is your taste; as your life is yours to live.
I woke up this morning and for the longest time I experienced something that I haven't: I was absolutely satisfied. I didn't beat myself up about my image, what needed to get finished, or that I wasn't enough for my goals. I realized with all the noise and news that comes with the end of this year into the next that I was living. Thinking about it through the whole day I realized that certain things in my life wouldn't have happened or tasted as sweet as they did if I chose to regret or play the 'would've could've" with myself. My life is not an idealist list, or a clock, its a gift and I live it everyday!
Hi everyone,
Hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday weekend! This year has been so Topsy-Turvy for me that I'm amazed at the things that happened this year. There are so many things on my mind lately and opportunities in-store for me in the up coming year that I often wonder how on earth I made it here. This post is a little scrapbook of the growth through 2012 that I've made.
My feelings for this year have been bitter sweet. Never in my life have I gone through so many high to low points in my life. I can safely say that 2012 has changed me for the better, and I feel much more wise and prepared for life that I ever was. I understand that things can't be perfect and that ideals are only such and shouldn't be taken seriously. On this cold Winter night I would love it if you'd join me in this post as I recap my year. Consider this my Annual Scrapbook.
January
ALA: I started the year as a guest speaker at Anime Los Angeles. 2011 was all about guest speaking for Azure Lorica and we decided that after this convention we were going to slow down. We almost didn't do this one after our busy production of Fate Pendulum's Project Italy in Dec 2011; but I'm glad we did because we made great connections and friends!
Silencio: I was honored to work as an Artistic Director on Silencio for Tamirfilms! Tamir and I had met by chance one day and within the same year we were on air with PBS talking about the film together; what are the odds? Silencio is an Indie Film that expresses the detrimental effects of bullying.This is a picture of Silencio Jr. where we took the theme and taught high-schoolers how to film to raise awareness of bullying. The mayor of Pasadena is in the middle supporting our crew!
Freelancing: I started to freelance as a Graphic/Web Designer. Thanks to my work with Silencio my reputation grew and I gained several clients from the project. This was the year I was going to graduate so I was able to finally dip my toes into the Industry and try it for myself. Enthralling as it was I started to back away from taking clients after a few months because I needed to focus on graduating. Besides, what I wanted more than anything at the time was to be in a design firm... more on that later...
February
Started working at Tea Rose Garden: My first 'regular' paid job since high school! At first I came on with the owner as her Freelance eStore Designer. After sometime she noticed my charm and Grace and I became good friends. She gave me a small job of organizing the bills and doing the office work. It wasn't much but it gave me steady cash. She became one of my mentors even until now. This picture is Candice, my cousin Jen, and I working on some product photography.
Tea with my Childhood Hero- Joey Beville: Everything in life happens for a reason. And a year before this I had put up a picture of Annie and the Scandals as my Facebook Icon. Innocently I wrote on my favorite band, Echoing Green's fan page. Next thing you know it BAM! I get a friend request from the lead singer Joey! Would you know an adoration letter and a year later he happened to be staying in Pasadena and I asked sheepishly if he would sign some things. Naw, thats still not cool enough, I HAD TEA WITH MY SUPER SUPER HERO! I love Joey until this day and his lyrics stand for so many life changing decisions in my life. (Getting teary eyed...) Meeting and being friends with Joey is one of those things where I can say that I. Have. Lived.
My Funny Valentine: Eugene and I celebrated our 6th year engage to each other this Valentine's Day. We felt like this was a crossroad for us this year as we realized we got so ambitious with our writing and our vision that our wedding has sort of been set aside in priority. This day we decided that we wouldn't trade our life for anything, and our relationship had no regrets. We'll be the funny couple that has been together forever because it is who we are!
My first public solo gallery: As a gift for my 27th birthday. I came into the Tea Rose Garden and set up my years of work as an art student in the halls. My little gallery was a conversational piece for patrons, bridal showers, birthdays, and so much more. All of them over a cup of tea. I couldn't have asked for a better gift! This was also the preparation for my graduation party 2 weeks later. The gallery was displayed until early May.
March
Graduation: After several years, three schools, four major changes; I was the proud graduate with a Bachelors in Graphic Design. We shut down the Tea Rose Garden and thew a cheese and cake party with Echoing Green blasting through the shop. My friends all came, had a great time, and we talked about my art and the future. I can honestly say that it was one of the most perfect happiest days in my life. The evening ended with balloons being released into the air top represent the beginning of the future. I remember seeing the balloons hit the side of the building then take off. Grace said it must mean that the beginning will be rocky but it'll soar afterwards. Her prediction was dead on... Afterwards we ran across the street and went to the pub for a pint and good laughs.
April
World Premiere of Captain Clay: July 2011, I came up with the idea of holding a playwright contest for young writers. The setting was an airship and the play was to be One Act. My intent was so that Eugene and I could stop hogging the lime-lite and promote the art of play writing with the rest of the new generation. Well! this was how Findlings; our now annual playwright contest began. Our winner happened to be the lovely Lauren Bauer who wrote the comedy Captain Clay and the Treasure of the Pacific. This was the first play in several years where I could focus entirely as a Director and took it all the way. I had a great cast; with my cousin Jen as my new Stage Manager and Eugene as my strong hand Producer, this play shined! After 2 years I returned to a black box stage and it was pure magic.
Sponsoring DBoy Productions: Remember how I made connections and friends at ALA in January? Well after getting to know each other my company took a big leap and signed our first Fiscal Sponsored Production Company. DBoy Productions does geek comedy at conventions and in the LA County. Their leader Danny has become a wonderful Producer under our mentorship and has grown to be a great friend all around. I'm proud to say once more that I'm a part of this close knit community. To think this was only the beginning of other partnerships.
May
Nocturnal Notes Project: In 2007 Eugene and I created our 2nd play together: Nocturnal Notes. NN is a romantic play that takes the King Arthur fairytale and puts the characters into modern Los Angeles. The play was named after a book that was published by the two lead characters of letters they had written together in the time they were separated. We've had a small following from the play since and we wanted to expand the idea further. In May this year we purchase NoctunalNotes.com and continued to write as the characters to later publish the collection in a book form. Currently NN is in hiatus since things picked up, but my hope is to continue and finish telling this beautiful story.
Job Hunting: After Mothers Day I was feeling off working at TRG. It just wasn't paying what I wanted after graduation and I knew it was just a small job until something came along. Freelancing was arduous and took so much out of me combined with the productions. So I went on the hunt. I got three jobs out of several hundred applications I sent, and handful of interviews I had. One I rejected, the other I decided wasn't for me, but the last one...
June
The Ugly Truth: I quit a job I had got as well as my job at TRG to work for a web firm in Los Angeles. Sounds glamorous doesn't it? I was a ghostwriter for big names, blogging, promoting, and working with social media. My dream job turned ugly... I was being told to make fake IDs to review products, pick up ratings, lie if I had to. I felt like absolute shit after the 3rd day. The travel was horrid, my boss was a male chauvinist. After my third day I didn't sleep that night, I got an email from a gallery offering an interview that next day and I would have to hop another job in under 2 weeks. I was so lost in the monster I had become. I was fired through an email that afternoon and my ass of a boss never even sent me my pay for the days I worked. I didn't go for the gallery job because I felt like I was losing control and fell into a deep depression and startling reality of my line of work I graduated in; it can consume you if you let it.
July
Anime Expo: My friends dragged me out of hiding for several weeks and got me to go to Anime Expo. Every year I get Industry Badges for Eugene and I and we go to mingle. I've been attending this convention on and off for almost a decade. The thing that made this convention special were all the new friends that I made from ALA and DBoy Productions. It rocked! I felt my age again and this marked the beginning of me recovering from my depression.
Alice & Wonderland: Azure Lorica started to experiment in producing in other community areas other than the library. We did a reading of Alice & Wonderland at the Park and had kids lay on mats. It was fun, but we decided after that production that this wasn't a route we wanted to take.
Sponsoring Project 760 Productions: The day after Anime Expo Eugene had a meeting with Ray from 760 and agreed to sponsor them in exchange for press work which we were lacking staff in. I agreed and the bond began with our second sponsored company. Ray is the head Producer for 760, an art/community press team.
August
Kahoots Marketing: Almost hours after I was fired from my last job, I was given an offer from a friend that his friend was looking for a Graphic Designer. I met two amazing older gentlemen through the course of June until August and developed a friendship with veterans in my field. Men that were sucessful and did what they love. They were nothing like my previous boss. We formed Kahoots Marketing, a firm that caters to small business. I am proud to be apart of this team as my phobia for the Industry is still being mended with healing words and appreciation for my talents. Tyrone and Marshall are a blessing sent to me to heal my fears. I couldn't ask for better partners.
Feel Good Film Festival:This was our second year invited to the festival, but our first year as Press. FGFF is a Festival that promotes positive message films. I think that this festival was a real healing point for me as I was surrounded by passionate artists making their dreams come true. This was also the first time we worked with Project 760, which we later found out was a match made in heaven. Btw, side note: One of the perks of my job is rocking teal hair at a red carpet event. Heck yesh!
San Diego: I went on a weekend trip to San Diego. Something I never thought I would get around to this year, especially without a job. It was a blessing to get away and enjoy some new cafes in the Gaslamp area. I bought one of my now favorite all-time books there in a discount store. It was so simple but so perfect.
September
Captain Clay for the Public:We went on with our second production of Captain Clay at the Donald Wright Auditorium. This was my first time directing a play for the second time. It was also my first time directing an all girl cast. I absolutely loved it and would love to do it again! They were so unique on how they played off of each other that I was surprised when I saw the final performance! I can't say that one cast was better than the other as they had their own separate characteristics. Hmm that would be an interesting post... Oh, and that helm, Eugene and I made from dumpster diving a couch frame. Awesome isn't it?
Interview with Stephanie Barish:Being out of practice with press work this was a changing point for me. I had interviewed the CEO of Indiecade through Skype, something I had never done before. Indiecade is the Sundance for video games. They also gave us tickets to raffle off at the Captain Clay showings. It was a really cool bridge to be made with another non-profit. For the meantime, I think I'll leave our sponsored companies to the presswork...
Fell in love with personal blogs:This wasn't really an invent in my year but something that became a big part of my life: blogs. I discovered Nearsighted Owl for her DIY on a Pixie Cut and absolutely fell in love with her blog. Soon enough I was hoping to others and uncovered this amazing body-positive, fun loving, creative community. I didn't feel so alone anymore. There were others like me that felt that there was more to life than the job, the security, and the conformity. Reading blogs started to shake the scales from me as I wanted to be creative again and share my opinions and talents with the world once more.
October:
Tea Spectral: My blog was born! Be it this wasn't my first blog ever created, but this was my first blog where I felt free to be me. I fell into the lie that blogging was made to make you look like a 'professional' in the industry that I was careful what to write. Now I feel free and even more inspired to pursue my career just by sharing my daily life and trailson this blog. I'm so happy to be in blogland and I can't get enough of my new found hobby.
Indiecade:We covered Indiecade making friends with Industry greats as well as up and coming game designers from all over the world. It was a great weekend to be around creative people again and to bond with my team. I was blown away with the innovation and community that was involved with the cause. I am so proud to be a part of this generation and the gift of witnessing such things come to life. Sponsoring Raging Nerds: During Indiecade we made a very good lunch meeting with Raging Nerds and DBoy, who have worked together in the past a few times. Raging Crow had gotten a Red Carpet pass to cover on behalf of Azure Lorica and had done such a great job! Seeing that we needed more staff on our press team we were proud to add them as another sponsored production team. Covering legends and major conventions like E3, we couldn't ask for a better team.
Interview with Adobe:Another thing in my life that made me feel like I lived happened. I interviewed the Evangelist for Adobe on their future developments in Flash. As a student, designer, and avid fan of Adobe for over a decade; this was an experience I could have never possibly imagined. Ramona High: We were invited to a volunteer fair and had the opportunity to share our non-profit with the wonderful young ladies of Ramona High. I was inspired to see them interested and bright eyed; ready to change the world with their own stories about to be told.
November:
Avila Bay:A second vacation in a year? Wow, I felt amazing going up to Avila Bay. Last I was at this goregous resort next to the coast was when I was lovestruck by Eugene and we had to go on vacation with our families. I was so happy to introduce it to him almost 10 years after and share this unforgetable breathtaking spot with him.
Tea Festival:The mark of the beginning of my meditations. I loved actually going to classes and lectures to further my understanding of tea and the daily applications of this wonderful beverage. If it weren't for this event I wouldn't have started meditation which has become such an important thing in my life. Wrote our first grant: Something we've been waiting for. After Three years we were eligible to apply for an art grant. Eugene and I are looking forward to applying more to expand our non-profit and continue to bring independent arts education to Los Angeles with our events and productions.
Business Proposal: I was offered a business proposal opportunity that may well effect life and my career as I know it. I'm still working on it with a vengeance and hope to get it done before the year ends.
First Sponsor Giveaway: I really enjoyed giving my teas away on Better Blogger Network. This way I got to share my passions with others. I hope to do this again, hopefully with other blogs.
December:
Palm Springs: What's this? Another vacation!? I went to Palm Springs with my family and enjoyed the weekend. Three vacations after none for three years. Not bad at all...
10 Year Anniversary: For a decade, Eugene and I have grown together, learned to love, and have been in this relationship for the long haul. After such a crazy, intense, trial and error type of year; I couldn't ask for a better way to end it than this little piece of history. Eugene was my first ever serious relationship, first kiss, and now my fiance. If anything I did right, it was chosing to stay with this amazing beautiful man of mine.
With how crazy this year has been I'm a bit scared of how 2013 will be. I'm doing my best to think positively and with much bravery.
