Be warned:
This is a rant with grown up language (yes, profanity). If my personal life doesn't interest you please skip this post.
I'm not one to talk about my issues with people, but this has been the very bane of my existence as of lately that I'm tired of looking like I've got it all together and I'm not affected by these actions. I've grown a supportive and fairly descent following from not only strangers that share my interest, but family and friends as well: I think that lying to you that I am ok would be the wrong thing to do.
So this month is NOTHING as I expected: things that I thought could be finished in a week may well drag into the New Year, everyday has felt like a wild card, and this season has become the month of global PMS. Seriously? Being the fat chick in public automatically makes me an easy target, but the things that come out of peoples mouth's these days be it stranger or friends is simply repulsive. I don't even want to recount the reckless nonsense that people's motives have been.
FOR THE RECORD: I find that fat people, especially women, do their best just to break their stereotypes everyday. We've not lazy, we are not glutinous pigs, and we are not all about the easy way out. If you ask me after being in category and culture of 'fat', we are the toughest most honest of people. On top of the criticism and society pressures: we go out of our way to be who we are just so we can continue a satisfying life beyond what's expected of us. I've been fat for a majority of my life and I've found true love, been a leader, and done things that I never thought I could. I've been featured on television, been a produced playwright FOUR TIMES AND COUNTING, guest spoke in one of the largest convention centers in the world... you guessed it, FAT! I'm not about to stop my life just because of the way I look displeases people. I'm more than that, and I guarentee you that other fat people you see are so much more than there appearance.
Don't get me wrong, this post has nothing to do with denying a healthy lifestyle. This is about that time of the year when people get insecure about just about anything as the year closes and they are brought with a new year that will come with more opportunity and regrets. It's easy to feel down, pressured to be something else. Many, unfortunately, don't know how to handle these changes. Whether you do or don't, everyone is feeling the pressure of change upon them, and the best thing to do is be honest with yourself and understand where you stand about it.
For me, I'm scared. I feel like I'm not ready for the responsibilities that have been trusted on me. I'm stressed, cooped up, and hard up; believe me the blatant bullying has not made me a happy camper. Today I snapped, I cried, and I'm upset. I'm sure that I'll be pretty upset about all of this incessive harassment and behavior until the beginning of the next year when things usually die down. Hence why my mood is seeping into my blog; the beautiful album of my growing life that I can share with the world. I want this post to tell everyone that it's absolutely fine to be mad; just let it go responsibly. Letting go has a lot to do with letting people around you know how you feel.
For those 'people': Come at me about my weight, money, or my relationship if you must but here's the truth about it: You're too fucking scared to deal with your own problems. I am starting to lose faith in you and the rest of the world because of this very reason. I may not call you out in person, or look like I didn't notice what you meant by 'it' but I'm just too nice and mature to stoop to your level. I'm just as stressed as you are, and my willingness to tell you about these things or my rare chances to go out are my few releases from my issues. Don't go ruining it for me, or try to be greedy and take that little bit of happiness out of my day. Don't try to piggy back on my efforts either as I busted my back working for these things that I treasure and made myself the person I am today. I'm nice, but every nice person has a limit. If your offended by this post I'm happy: Come and chat with me about it!
Wow, you made it through the whole thing. Thank you for listening, I meant it.
