Making Beautiful

Making Beautiful by healingmercy on Polyvore

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Our Announcement

Hi everyone,

I've been a bit busy with some wonderful things happening in my life. After 10 years together we decided it was about time that Eugene and I bite the bullet and get married! Since January, we've been searching venues and figuring out exactly how we want this to work out. We've narrowed our choices to a few spaces and we're just about ready to set the location. Until then we announced to our friends and family to save the date.

I'd be lying if I said that everything has been wine and roses because of this. We've had our fair share of weathered times starting at the beginning of the year. This year, I know, will be changing my life for the rest of my years. But I'm not giving up; rather, I'm enjoying the changes that come and learn that nothing ever works when you play it safe. Which was the very reason Eugene and I decided it was about time we move onward with our life plans.

If I could invite all the great friends I've made through this blog to the wedding and share all of the little things that have made this experience what it is. I hope at least by update posts and lots of pictures I'll be able to share and document those moments. Thank you everyone for your support overall in witnessing me grow with self acceptance and meditation in this blog.

We'll make this a date to remember!

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Shabby Chic Valentine's Day

Hi everyone,
Hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day. This year I decided to get a little creative with our tight budget early into the year. I had recently finished reading The Goddess Guide (Which was a great read btw), and loved the part in the book of having a proper picnic. Her advice was to take practically everything but the kitchen sink and enjoy your meal as you would indoors. Take your rugs and blankets and lay them out to take in the view. She made a point to mention that tea isn't good unless sipped from a china cup, preferably your personal favorite.

I took a few days sorting out yummy treats at the local Farmers Markets and Grocery stores for some simple but good eats. Then in the morning, I surprised Eugene with a stack of my bedsheets in the living room and a picnic basket. After a few hours of fumbling around for the right china to bring, we were off. Ironically I forgot to buy some charcoal, so we made a second stop at the store. Which I was glad we did! The Valentine Day Sales were starting, and I had gotten these lovely pink roses which were half wilted. I used them to scatter across my comforter.

Unless you count the occasional runners, the park was pretty desolate. I was happy for it since Valentine's Day in Los Angeles can be quite vicious. We set up camp under the shade of an Oak Tree and had the BBQ are all to ourselves. I set the chicken to grill and brought out the tea and crackers for the appetizers while we waited.

The goat cheese I found from the Farmers Market was so yummy! It was a savory lavender and herb mix. We added some honey to the mix as well which was divine. To explain how the tea truly tasted in china at the park: SUBLIME. It really does make a difference and I will be doing it again; hopefully more often. If you were curious, the tea was Cherry Blossom Green which paired with the floral note in the cheese. Yummm....

When the chicken was done I paired it with an organic green salad and brown rice. Nothing fancy, but perfect for good conversation. We enjoyed the meal talking about our future and what our plans were this year. As our year started out crazy, it was nice for a little bit of a break.

Then for dessert I brought out my favorite...

Can you really say no to chocolate covered strawberries!? There my favorite thing around this time of year. I make it a point to eat them either on Valentine's Day or on my Birthday! The best part is that they're so easy and cheap to make. I used my left over sprinkles to garnish them and they came out delicious. We had them with the rest of the tea.

I recommend you to try this at least once! It was so relaxing. It was the perfect Valentine's Day for this year and it didn't take a big present, expensive dinner, and crowded place.

Hope you all had a lovely day!

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Tunnels End

Evening everyone,
Something beautiful happened last night. While writing my post last night reviewing several things that happened through my year, a little spark resounded in my heart. That little spark got bigger and bigger with every word I typed, every picture that I archived, every memory and feeling that resurfaced about 2012. After three hours of work at 3am as I layed my head down to finally sleep I realized that this was the first time in several months I actually stayed up to do something. I wanted it done, I had to see the ending. This morning I realized; that little spark was my old self thats been waiting for myself this whole time.

If you read the post or have been following my blog for sometime you know that I've been in a funk for sometime now. I have not been anything that I used to be; rather, I've been almost a lesser person than I was. I just had no real enthusiasm for things, my creativity was slipping, and my energy was cut by less than half. This year was brutal on me with all my completing things and growing up. I was honestly about to believe that I would never be that multi-tasking, energized, positive young lady again. That was until now...

The post really had me see everything right in front of me, where I had gone, and most importantly all of the emotions that had shaped my decisions and reaction to things. I was an ambitious newly grad ready to take the world on, but the world threw me a fast one and it was nothing that I had read or imagined. Did I fail? No. Was it my fault? Some of it yes, but it all turned out for the better.

I was astonished at the change even physically I went through. I never discussed it, but through my depression starting on about April I had dropped 30 lbs this year from eating like a bird. Anything with oil or salt would send me into gagging fits. I couldn't sleep at night from shaking with no food in me, but I couldn't eat. The Doctor diagnosed it as a form of nervosa that was similar to my condition many years before when I moved for the first time. I suffered until about August, when I started to go out more.

Right now my body is just flabby. It feels strange, I don't really mind whatever weight I am, but my skin has gone through hell and back. I have little bubbly bumps under my skin around my arms and my belly which have never been there, but I'm getting used to it. I now live in moisturizing heaven 24/7 taking care of my thinned skin un-stretched and flabby as they often feel sore. The darker stretch marks are the worst, they inflame depending on the weather. My unintentional weight-loss has not been glamorous.

 

I'm actually very shy about my body, not only because of my weight but because of the abuse I've put it through over the years. When I'm on the job I'm in the public's eye and its a constant battle with myself to push my confidence in my knowledge and leadership before my insecurities. I try not to dwell in it that much, because there's so much to live for other than insecurities. I realize now that this is a time of discover for me, to bring who I am now and what I was before together in harmony marking my lessons of life learned for this time.

This morning I was inspired, a very enthused inspired! I had proven that I CAN push myself again and my mind is capable of intense concentration. This was no fluke or stroke of luck; this was what I had forgotten. I decided to mark this epiphany I pulled out my Nikon and did self-portraits. Last time I did self-portraits was in 2009, I got my first degree and moved to a new house, things were changing then as well.

I call this series Tunnels End because I feel like I finally see the light at the end! I love the shadows that had cast on my bedroom wall in a way to represent time and the filtering of light before me. The light reflections on my hanging pictures also show images of the world outside. I was comfortable to be in my own skin today, and most importantly in my own mind. I never want to lose sight of this feeling and I don't want to call this another 'fling'. I've missed me for too long to let it.

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My 10th

Tea Spectral caught the cold, so for her sake, I made this video to help her blog. 

Happy Holidays everyone!

Cheers,

Eugene.

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Azure Blue Scarf

I'm a terrible gift giver. I'm the type thats more likely to apologize and take you out to lunch the next day. Eugene on the other hand is the gift giving master! Love letters, scavenger hunts, surprises, he makes me feel like I suck as a girl sometimes. It doesn't help that he has everything either...

Fortunately I've found a few weakness that we both agree on: Books, Art, Fashion, and Food. I love cooking for him and the way he has that smile that makes him look like the happiest man in the world. However, when I do get him something, I usually add some touches that are all mine. I remember when I bought him a copy of Silmarillion and wrote my own forward on the from page for kicks. The hat he's wearing in this photo was a gift from our 8th anniversary. I added the button after a trip to City Walk and he hasn't  taken it off. Since we've called the hat Teddy Crossbones.

This year I made him an infinity scarf. I've been itching to try my hand at some dye projects and this was first on the list. The scarf is crotchet out of 100% cotton, I then took a silk screen spray and went lightly over it to give it that distressed look. I didn't have the intent of matching it to Teddy Crossbones but it matches perfectly.

The scarf couldn't have come at a better time. Two amazing things are happening very soon. This Saturday we'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary of being together! That's a decade of growing together, chasing the moon, and achieving dreams. Its so amazing to see that teenage boy grow into the man he is today; I wouldn't have it any other way!

Azure Blue is the color of our non-profit's logo. We will be celebrating 3 years of business by next January. This is a huge deal because most non-profits don't make it past the 3 year mark. We're here to stay bringing theatre to the communities of Los Angeles. Eugene's been having the hardest time finding anything in Azure Blue, so I made him something. 

He loves the scarf and the picture I took of him and Despereaux. Quite dashing don't you think?

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2012 Is My Sweet Ride!

Today is one of those 'off' days for me. Lately my life has just been all over the place with so much opportunity and blessings crammed into such a short time. Then I have a day where I'm broke, and nothing eventful seems to be going on. Most of the time these days drive me mad; this falls into the most category... I never seem where to start or what I really should be doing after tidying things up.

Most of the day involved cooking, baking mini fruit pies and scones, and cuddling on the couch. It was a good day for these things since LA is having one of those rare occasional gloomy rainy weekends. The best part of these days are the talks with Eugene about the way things are going. This is when we made a fascinating discovery, we were utterly content.

Yes, this year has been so climatic in its failures and triumphs that I can honestly say that we have lived every bit of this year up until now. We have made our way without money, tasks, etc.; we pushed 2012 to the limit. As we come closer to the end of it dotting the I's and crossing the T's, we've had one hell of a ride. This month alone has turned out absolutely nothing like I would have expected. I've traded a quiet month of NaNoWriMo for so much more.

This my friends is an ugly day; the gem of being human in blog land. I haven't showered yet, I'm coughing, and I'm covered in grease and flour in a sweatshirt. There's a sense of comfort tell you this because I'm living and these days make the awesome days so much more. I've learned that blogging is a modern take on Carpe Diem where you learn to love the little things that fill your 24 hr days as you grow and shape into the person you were made to be. Today is just as much of a day as any other, and it's beautiful that way.

I have 5 remaining blessings for the month. Today while web browsing I came across blog posts intended to stop people from committing suicide through encouraging words. I was contemplating creating one sometime. In the meantime it got me to think of how the last post for the month should end. This has change my last 5 blessings, to things that I feel should matter and be simple truths in everyone's lives.

I've been saving them up, and with good long thought; here they are to share with you:

Trouble: Eugene and I concluded that we love to get into trouble. We've lived such a fulfilling life by never playing it safe. This very principle in life I'm grateful for. Its bliss that I have a partner. The Unseen: Not knowing what the future brings makes me feel like a bad ass! I mean think about it; living is staring life in the face and challenging it to bring what may. Being Human: I have ugly days, I fail, I am not perfect. But you know what? I'm still here, and I adapt and learn from my errors. Change:  Nothing beats looking back at a nostalgic beautiful past than a future. Growing up isn't a period of life, it's a never-ending fact of life.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. Another month of sheer astonishment at how much this blog has grown in such a short amount of time.

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My First Meditation Class (w/TEA)

This weekend I finally came around to trying meditation. This is something I've been wanting to try for quite sometime. When I was looking over the program of the Tea Festival and I saw the class, I knew that I had to take the class Meditation with Tea. The thought of anything for the first time with tea is something that I can easily dip my toes into. Think of it like your teacher holding your hand as they lead you to recess when you were younger, scary but comforting...

I was led to an open forum in the Japanese American Museums Resource Center just across from it. The walls were curvy and aided to a soothing water like feel. People were already gathering in a circle and I dived right in with a little courage (it helped me of course that Eugene was with me). The classes started and to my surprise it wasn't structured at all. I enjoyed that the Instructor felt the way the crowd was an slowly took her time getting to the points.

I got to learn breathing techniques and how to ween the mind from distractions and worries. The techniques were simpler than I thought they would be, which was opposite to the way my brain normally functions with it's task and competitive nature. We moved on to meditating on the blessings in our lives, something that everyone was happy to reflect on. We even did a writing exercise where we listed three things: what was on our mind that instant, what we were grateful for, and what people in our life we couldn't live without. She suggested we keep the poems to reflect on the next time that we do our meditations. She finished this exercise by handing us haikus and explaining how to meditate with them and poetry.

As for the tea, we reviewed how to be involved in the process of tea. We started with understanding the importance of meditation as the tea brews and being present with the pot and not to be distracted. Next we went over the idea of savoring the notes of flavor in the tea and using it to hone in on our senses. Her choices were a Keemun and a Green Darjeeling; both I felt were perfect since they are underrated for their complex notes and natural unique flavors.We also lightly discussed food pairings to add into the meditation of the tea process. The one highlight I took from the whole thing was the importance of taking a Sabbath for ones self. This is attained by picking a day out of the week just to relax and unwind. This way your soul and body are rejuvenated and ready for life's busy tasks.

Overall I really loved the whole experience. On a personal level, I adored learning from the wonderful Diana Rosen. She was so positive and enchanting and had a way of grabbing your attention softly but gracefully. As an advocate of body acceptance, I loved that she was bigger woman that didn't care about her image and ran the class with a balance of love and assertiveness. I hope to grow up with as much poise as her through experience and age.

I bought her book and I look forward to reading it. Just from flipping through it I can tell that she has an amazing directory and glossary from her personal tea journey. I look forward to further practices of meditation. I am starting with her breathing exercises every morning which have given me a burst of energy. I have yet to try tea meditation on my own, but I'm looking forward to it. Anyone curious about meditation, don't be scared to try even the simplest for of it. It's wonderfully beneficial.
-Stef

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OOTD: A Scarf of Acceptance- Spirit Day

I want you to humor me for a minute: I want you to think of the world as a better place, a place where everyone believes in the hope of mankind and a better tomorrow. Think of the endless 'good days' and the support when the world goes grim. Sound familiar? I hope so, thats what YOUR world is.

Yes thats right, the world according to you and only you. You wear what you want, your thoughts are your own. Everyone at one point in their lives have been gifted with pure untouched liberation. The gaining of a new friend, advice from a loved one, the feeling of new love. Perhaps it was the feeling when you found something you swore hit home, different from anything you knew. Perhaps a book, a clothing style, or a lifestyle that was never introduced to you.

To me, this is what Spirit Day is all about. Spirit Day is where the world over wears purple on October 19th to support homosexual rights. You don't have to be gay to join in this, all you have to do is wear purple and support. To me this holiday means beyond sexual preference, it's the understanding of giving people that right to be themselves. Regardless of my religious views or lifestyle choices, I believe that everyone has the right to make up their mind on what they want to be, who they date, or what they wear. I think our world could change with love and acceptance, because diversity is what makes this world so interesting.

As a big girl I suffered being bullied, from family and peers. I was taught to be ashamed of what I was, I was taught to take diet pills before I hit the age of 10, and I was told that no one would marry me because of my size and my looks were a waste because of it. I grew up, learned they were wrong through plenty of hard lessons, and have come to a point where I accept who I am.

When I started to have gay friends as I got older, I realized that they suffered the way that I had. They were taught to be ashamed of themselves, they were taught to change or never feel love. I think this is a real shame, as they are some of the most responsible beautiful people I've ever known. It's through these trials of life that their eyes can see the beauty in everything, and accept imperfections as uniqueness.

I wear purple today because I get where they're coming from. I wear it because I want to show them that I accept and care for them as they are. I wear purple to show the rest of the world that love and acceptance is what I believe in.

Glasses: Claire's, Earrings: Walmart, Scarf: Old Navy, Linen Blazer: Lane Bryant, Shirt: Lane Bryant, Skinny Jeans: Lane Bryant, Wedges: Dr. Scholls

Happy Spirit Day everyone! Thank you all of you unsung beautiful friends that love me as I am, this is the least I can do to share my appreciation.
-Stef

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Love's Hair Affair

Head Usher Mode

Last night Love and I were in the mood for something other than our usual Frasier nights so we went to work on Netflix. We ended up watching the documentary Mansome. The film is about how the perception of the modern man and his grooming techniques have changed over the years. I thought it was fascinating to see something from the male perspective on vanity that wasn't just about the gay community. Because men ever open up about these things. That being said, Eugene and I got to talk about his hair after all of these years.

This was a picture of our prom almost a decade ago.

Let me back track a little: Eugene and I have been together for almost a decade. He's my high-school sweetheart. When I first met him his hair was buzzed and spiked on the top as was popular in the Asian community in the early 2000. When he went to college, everything changed, Eugene had begun growing out his hair. He traded his sporty looks for black turtlenecks and long hair; and deeply adored the beatnik movement.

Second year college. Early stages of his Beatnik phase

Things got interesting when his family had bought a salon in the local mall. Eugene was registered as the shop owner so that him and his other two brothers could gain the profit. Constant arguments were made with him in that salon, Eugene still refused to cut his hair! Perhaps it was an act of rebellion, or simply the fact that long hair looks great on him, but as the years have gone and the salon has been closed after it's 5th year; Eugene still chooses to wear his hair longer.

Sometimes it grows long and we like to mess around. :)

His hair grows out in huge thick bouncy curls, something and girl would envy of. I often tease him and mention that he would look like dandy French Courtesan if he grew it out longer. Beautiful as it is, we've had our downsides. There have been plenty a share of 'ugly stages' because of the nature of his hair. Often when we walk in a store clerks will address us as 'ladies' until he turns around. He gets plenty of attention from gay men who find it hard to take 'no' for an answer. I never really questioned him why he keeps his hair, but last night was a good insight.

Once in awhile he cuts it, then I miss it...

He explained to me that even though his hair has given him woe he wears it for two real reasons. First is the low maintenance, he just comes it back wet and the curls form perfectly. When he had short hair, he constantly had to wear gel and mousse to keep it in one direction. Secondly he says it gets people to focus more on what he wants him to see; his work. Eugene is my Producer and COO for my theatre company, most of his work is done in the shadows with busy paperwork. When he does take lead, he takes front and center. I've seen him command over 80 volunteers at one point, direct the Board, and speak at conferences to promote our cause. His voice is deep and articulate and thats what he wants them to remember him by. He prefers the long hair because it throws off the macho stereotype and gets people to think twice.

After being on the radio at KTLA, Hollywood

My opinion on his hair? It's sexy! I'm a Gothic tale kid of gal and his Victorian-esque look is a real turn on, and the fact that he's a playwright and a sonnet poet makes me swoon. I do prefer it in layers as it can look weighed down if it doesn't. His long hair has become so much apart of him that I do freak out when he decides to cut it every blue moon. His hair has inspired me as well. I've enjoyed breaking the norm and wearing short hair for almost 3 years now. 

We're getting older. Together.<3

We both agree: when it comes down to it, hair is hair. As with any look or esthetic of a person's appearance.
-Stef

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