Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts

The Nitty Gritty of Being a Novelist

Hi everyone,
I thought I would take time to let all of you know what I've been up to these days. If you haven't guessed from the title I've been finally getting myself back into novel writing. This has been a passion of mine since I was in my teens, but as life would have it, I've pushed it aside. Life happens and sometimes it gets the best of you, for me these past five years after graduating college have been a whirlwind. Getting married after being in a 10 year long relationship took center as well as building up my career and non-profit. Now that things are settling down a little bit, I've started to return to things that I've always wanted to complete. First thing on that list was telling my stories to the world. I've never seemed to shake that desire from me and I've let it consume a good amount of my life these days.

I was inspired to write this post because wanting to be a novelist and actually making it a part of your daily life are two completely different things. I also didn't see very many articles or blogs written on the web that weren't sugar coated or vague about novel writing. For something that has dramatically changed the way I live my life I can only imagine how difficult it would be to adapt to daily novel writing as a beginner. I hope that this post will help people that are starting out, or feel a sense of defeat from previous attempts of bringing writing into a daily part of their life.

Begin with a declaration that you are writing a novel: Your declaration will mentally prepare you to begin the changes when writing becomes a daily part of your life. It sounds silly, but this was one of the biggest and hardest things to do. All writers are hard on themselves; careful what to share with the world about their passion for story telling. I think that it's safe to say that there is this social stigma that any craft that involves feelings is a waste of time or left to be nothing more than hobby. You need to get yourself out of that mindset before you can emotionally and mentally dedicate yourself to the world you are creating. This declaration doesn't just stop with you. Your friends and family need to know about your conscious effort to begin writing. Whether the news is received with a supportive or negative vibes, you will need to let them know so to feel out the environment that you will be creating in. I started with a few friends and my close family; both were received with mixed reviews. Mostly they will be confused why you need to tell them, they will understand in time why you had to announce your choice to pursuit your dream as your schedule will change.

Second life/ second job: The biggest change I've found in my life is that I feel a constant drain and pull working my full time job and finding the time to write my novel. I've built my proper timing and routines, but the drain does get to me at least once a week. If you are serious about writing, this will become a second job. When I realized that there were days that I just had to write, and I had to dedicate myself to it that day, I found myself pulling that weight and making sure that it was done at any cost. Starting out you will need to stay up a few hours late at night, or even get up earlier to write. In time you will adjust and make the sacrifices necessary to give your writing a fighting chance to be in your life.

Alone time is golden, protect it: One thing I learned really quickly was the desire to want to be alone to write. Pulling yourself away where you can clear your mind for the daily task of 'adulting' and letting your mind wander in it's imaginative state is such a fine line. I've gotten to a point where I know that I need at least one hour of decompress time when I get home from work. On my days off I handle the chores first and give myself an hour of rest before I start to write. You will start to be aware of your time and how to work with the schedule you have. You will also have times when you will have to say no to meet ups with friends and family. This is one of the reasons you will need to tell them you are a novelist. A good friend will understand, and will probably be eager to read what you come up with.

You will need to build a stamina for it: I don't care how experienced or talented you are, rushed work never creates good work. Burn out is also something that is discouraging and has often stopped writers from creating a daily routine in their work. When you start, find your comfortable medium and raise your word count or time writing slowly. One site that has really helped me build my stamina is 750words.com . I don't use them daily, but when I do start writing, I promise myself that I will finish that 750 word count in that day. So far, my comfortable count is 875-1,200 words daily depending on the day and the parts I'm writing. I'm comfortable with the pace that I'm at but after hitting the half way point in my novel, I plan on raising up my word count to 1,000-1,700 words. I also want to add that you should schedule your breaks as well. When I suffer burn out, I promise myself a day or two to stay away from writing. During that time I try to inspire myself with documentaries, going to a museum, or seeing friends. Bottom line - you're in this to see the beginning and the end, this is not an a temporary affair.

Find your routine with trial by fire:
They say that it takes two weeks to build or destroy a habit. I can say from personal experience that this is true. I felt like a zombie my first two weeks. To get myself used to writing I stayed up an extra hour or two every night. I also feel like writing, especially creatively is very exhausting and will wear you down after awhile. The times of the day that you write are also important, I used to think that I was a morning writer but later found that my peak is between late afternoon to evening. To know what works best for you, you will have to try different times and methods. You will also find your strengths and weaknesses take less and more time. I am very strong in narrative and can write it almost anywhere. Dialogue is my weakness, so I have to take a little longer when I write it. Test yourself with trial and error. Be forgiving of failures and mistakes, but be swift to change to things that do work.

I hope that this post inspires you. Keep writing, and your tea close!
Cheers
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I Heart: Passionate Artistic Movies

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I know what you're thinking with the title: sex, passion, romance. To be honest with you, whats been drawing me lately to movies are strong artistic heroes and main characters.What I mean by that are main characters that make decisions because of their head strong in the pursuit to live by their trade. There is something about the tortured artist that seems to make for dynamic and different choices. With every change of plot, they react differently that your usual heroes; they feel and create.

With so many fantasy stories being made into movies these days we are often stuck with the formula of an average Joe with extraordinary circumstances. There's nothing wrong with this formula, but for me, I just get this constant feeling that the characters are being forced into the fate they have. I mean; Yes, they have a choice but deep down inside you know that these characters will make the 'good' choice since the plot has not much else to go if they don't. Then we'd be stuck with 20 minute movies...

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Now an artist, there's just something about them that we love isn't there? Even in real life we know that the artist is sporadic in his/her choices. We always expect something different in the way that they handle life overall. When I see movies with an artistic lead; it's just heaven! No matter what is thrown at them in their life, there's always the underlining pursuit of chasing a muse. When they're happy: they create. When they're in pain: they create. These creations capture their lives as a memento for the rest of us, and in turn we can have a reflection that can capture that emotion in our personal lives.

Lately, movies with an artistic hero just supercharge me. I feel the passion for life in each character as they push their choices to the edge and live every second with no regret. The concept to feel both the bad and the good just makes for every last drop of existence never to be wasted. I reflect that every day, be it boring or mundane, is an opportunity to breathe and be inspired. I'm blessed to stumble across such movies, as they are shaping my thinking for the brand new year.

Below are two movies that have really made an impact on me this past month. As the weather is still cold, I recommend you take the time to have a snuggly night in and watch them.Allow yourself to think of the characters and the reasons for their motives. Enjoy the extraordinary reactions and choices.




What are some artistic movies heroes that you are moved by?

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Thoughts: Lively Competition?

Concept Illustration from my novel. link
The year of 2013 has grown to be a fascinating one. I notice the hostility that was in the Holidays of 2012 seeping across the gap into the new year and coming full force. Be it Diet, Lifestyles, or just plain being the better person (...whatever that is...); this endless crankiness and gloating is concerning. I see it on blogs, Facebook, and most prevalent in the public. I'm concerned of how we've become a society of desperate individuals.

Then just when I was about to give up on humanity all together and hide in my shell at home; I see the spark of inspiration that is unique to L.A. life. Actors going full force, writers finishing script treatments, and live events organized to celebrate interest. Its a corner of the universe thats spreading and giving the glum a run for its money. Oh L.A.; the land of broken dreams and a thousand new ones. People often think that this obsession with artistic careers are all about fame and easy money, but I can tell you as a witness of this industry that its far from that: the reality is that people just love what they do and any form of it is a step to a happier reality.

In response I say all thats missing is encouragement. I've been going out on a whim to encourage people these days, and the response has been alarming. Being in a society that is constantly degrading your worth through comparisons and ideals its so easy to feel like you're alone. I hope that I can remind you that you've got a resource of positivity out there, be it your personal acquaintances or a supportive online community, there is someone always ready to listen. Do yourself a favor today by encouraging someone in their life endeavors. Whether its an artistic pursuit, or some new changes in their lives. Make them aware that you are listening, make an effort to understand them, and most importantly; make it known that they matter to you.

Its so easy to get lost in our shells of fear and hurt. If we keep this pattern of kindness and support moving; we can de-stress ourselves as a community. Then we can get down to the business of growth.
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Tunnels End


Evening everyone,
Something beautiful happened last night. While writing my post last night reviewing several things that happened through my year, a little spark resounded in my heart. That little spark got bigger and bigger with every word I typed, every picture that I archived, every memory and feeling that resurfaced about 2012. After three hours of work at 3am as I layed my head down to finally sleep I realized that this was the first time in several months I actually stayed up to do something. I wanted it done, I had to see the ending. This morning I realized; that little spark was my old self thats been waiting for myself this whole time.


If you read the post or have been following my blog for sometime you know that I've been in a funk for sometime now. I have not been anything that I used to be; rather, I've been almost a lesser person than I was. I just had no real enthusiasm for things, my creativity was slipping, and my energy was cut by less than half. This year was brutal on me with all my completing things and growing up. I was honestly about to believe that I would never be that multi-tasking, energized, positive young lady again. That was until now...



The post really had me see everything right in front of me, where I had gone, and most importantly all of the emotions that had shaped my decisions and reaction to things. I was an ambitious newly grad ready to take the world on, but the world threw me a fast one and it was nothing that I had read or imagined. Did I fail? No. Was it my fault? Some of it yes, but it all turned out for the better.


I was astonished at the change even physically I went through. I never discussed it, but through my depression starting on about April I had dropped 30 lbs this year from eating like a bird. Anything with oil or salt would send me into gagging fits. I couldn't sleep at night from shaking with no food in me, but I couldn't eat. The Doctor diagnosed it as a form of nervosa that was similar to my condition many years before when I moved for the first time. I suffered until about August, when I started to go out more.


Right now my body is just flabby. It feels strange, I don't really mind whatever weight I am, but my skin has gone through hell and back. I have little bubbly bumps under my skin around my arms and my belly which have never been there, but I'm getting used to it. I now live in moisturizing heaven 24/7 taking care of my thinned skin un-stretched and flabby as they often feel sore. The darker stretch marks are the worst, they inflame depending on the weather. My unintentional weight-loss has not been glamorous.


I'm actually very shy about my body, not only because of my weight but because of the abuse I've put it through over the years. When I'm on the job I'm in the public's eye and its a constant battle with myself to push my confidence in my knowledge and leadership before my insecurities. I try not to dwell in it that much, because there's so much to live for other than insecurities. I realize now that this is a time of discover for me, to bring who I am now and what I was before together in harmony marking my lessons of life learned for this time.


This morning I was inspired, a very enthused inspired! I had proven that I CAN push myself again and my mind is capable of intense concentration. This was no fluke or stroke of luck; this was what I had forgotten. I decided to mark this epiphany I pulled out my Nikon and did self-portraits. Last time I did self-portraits was in 2009, I got my first degree and moved to a new house, things were changing then as well.


I call this series Tunnels End because I feel like I finally see the light at the end! I love the shadows that had cast on my bedroom wall in a way to represent time and the filtering of light before me. The light reflections on my hanging pictures also show images of the world outside. I was comfortable to be in my own skin today, and most importantly in my own mind. I never want to lose sight of this feeling and I don't want to call this another 'fling'. I've missed me for too long to let it.



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Thoughts: A Raging Hurt Fatty

Be warned: 
This is a rant with grown up language (yes, profanity). If my personal life doesn't interest you please skip this post.

I'm not one to talk about my issues with people, but this has been the very bane of my existence as of lately that I'm tired of looking like I've got it all together and I'm not affected by these actions. I've grown a supportive and fairly descent following from not only strangers that share my interest, but family and friends as well: I think that lying to you that I am ok would be the wrong thing to do.

So this month is NOTHING as I expected: things that I thought could be finished in a week may well drag into the New Year, everyday has felt like a wild card, and this season has become the month of global PMS. Seriously? Being the fat chick in public automatically makes me an easy target, but the things that come out of peoples mouth's these days be it stranger or friends is simply repulsive.  I don't even want to recount the reckless nonsense that people's motives have been.

FOR THE RECORD: I find that fat people, especially women, do their best just to break their stereotypes everyday. We've not lazy, we are not glutinous pigs, and we are not all about the easy way out. If you ask me after being in category and culture of 'fat', we are the toughest most honest of people. On top of the criticism and society pressures: we go out of our way to be who we are just so we can continue a satisfying life beyond what's expected of us. I've been fat for a majority of my life and I've found true love, been a leader, and done things that I never thought I could. I've been featured on television, been a produced playwright FOUR TIMES AND COUNTING, guest spoke in one of the largest convention centers in the world... you guessed it, FAT! I'm not about to stop my life just because of the way I look displeases people.  I'm more than that, and I guarentee you that other fat people you see are so much more than there appearance.

Don't get me wrong, this post has nothing to do with denying a healthy lifestyle. This is about that time of the year when people get insecure about just about anything as the year closes and they are brought with a new year that will come with more opportunity and regrets. It's easy to feel down, pressured to be something else. Many, unfortunately, don't know how to handle these changes. Whether you do or don't, everyone is feeling the pressure of change upon them, and the best thing to do is be honest with yourself and understand where you stand about it.

For me, I'm scared. I feel like I'm not ready for the responsibilities that have been trusted on me. I'm stressed, cooped up, and hard up; believe me the blatant bullying has not made me a happy camper. Today I snapped, I cried, and I'm upset. I'm sure that I'll be pretty upset about all of this incessive harassment and behavior until the beginning of the next year when things usually die down. Hence why my mood is seeping into my blog; the beautiful album of my growing life that I can share with the world. I want this post to tell everyone that it's absolutely fine to be mad;  just let it go responsibly. Letting go has a lot to do with letting people around you know how you feel.

For those 'people': Come at me about my weight, money, or my relationship if you must but here's the truth about it: You're too fucking scared to deal with your own problems. I am starting to lose faith in you and the rest of the world because of this very reason. I may not call you out in person, or look like I didn't notice what you meant by 'it' but I'm just too nice and mature to stoop to your level. I'm just as stressed as you are, and my willingness to tell you about these things or my rare chances to go out are my few releases from my issues. Don't go ruining it for me, or try to be greedy and take that little bit of happiness out of my day. Don't try to piggy back on my efforts either as I busted my back working for these things that I treasure and made myself the person I am today. I'm nice, but every nice person has a limit. If your offended by this post I'm happy: Come and chat with me about it!

Wow, you made it through the whole thing. Thank you for listening, I meant it.



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Thoughts: I am Creative



"I need to be around someone like you where I can throw ideas around and get some back."

The stress of this whole business plan thing is getting to me. I have days where I have a hard time sleeping or even waking up and getting out of bed. I'm scatter brained, and my thoughts fly everywhere except where they need to be. So far what I could really ask for is focus, that is the main thing I am lacking... But through the days there is always something that just rushes to my head and gives me that sudden struck by lightning feeling: I get an idea and my inspiration comes to me. This is nothing new, this is something that I've learned to harness from my childhood until the adult I am today; this is my creativity.

I can't imagine not being a creative person. It's just a part of who I am and how I do things. Even as I started running my non-profit the value of me was that I could think creatively and beyond the technical jargon and budget to make timeless productions and events. Even now as a struggling fresh out of college grad, I wouldn't have it any other way as this is who I am. There just comes a point where a person cannot be defined by occupation, form of study, or even their upbringing. I'd like to think that creative is a personality trait, a noun, an existing factor in my life that represents me as much as my appearance and gender.


The quote above is a sentence that has been haunting me this entire week. My mentor and friend Grace has been seeing more of me recently and I've been partaking in all sorts of crazy. One of the candid ones is making and designing the cupcakes above. Grace's career as an event designer and florist makes her creative mind work overtime 24/7. Its amazing the things that come out of a few trips around town and some objects laid before her. Granted her job isn't all fun and games, but it's a beautiful kind of crazy, a fulfilling kind of crazy. When all is said and done, isn't this what us creative people strive for?

I've been blogging for just a short while now, but what I can say honestly drives me to this type of community are the amazing creative individuals that are found on this corner of the internet. Be it OOTDs, Baking, drawing, or even Crafting; we are a unique breed of creative. Everyone is different in their own way and we don't apologize for it, we celebrate it! This post is to declare this very point: we are creative.

I encourage you to take time out of your day and meditate on the way that your creative mind has changed and set you away from the rest as an individual. You'll be amazed at how profound this simple truth has impacted your life. Surround yourself with creativity and relish in the free amazing gift that life has given you.
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My Blooming Tea Experience


I hope everyone is having a Blessed Sunday today! As Sunday is usually a Sabbath of rest and rejuvenation I thought it would be a perfect day to tell you about my Blooming Tea experience.As you know, I just finished reading my lovely book Meditation with Tea by Diana Rosen. One of the chapters was on conversation over tea and understanding the ones you love in this bonding experience.


A tea that was recommended was blooming teas. This is because it takes an estimated 30 minutes to completely bloom and give you a proper steeped tea.  From my earlier Classic Savory Tea Haul, I got the Sprinkled Stars. After a long day I took out my mini tea cups and put the bud into my French Press. I had my regular teapot filled with hot water to keep adding water to my French Press.


I picked this tea because of the beautiful floral notes in the description.Easter Lilies, Jasmine, and more recently Osmanthus have been favorite flowers of mine. As Eugene and I sipped the tea in it's different stages, we really appreciate the variety of flavors it gave. It really did put us in a good mood and made us comfortable enough to talk about deeper things like our future plans and ambitions. It was a nice break from our current busy schedule and emptied wallets. At the final stages of the bloom, the Othmanthus blossoms rose out blending it's floral creamy taste to the mix.


I know that most people dread having blooming teas because they're a bit showy and need special pots to enjoy them completely. But I have to tell you not to be afraid of it, anything thats clear will do, life a glass mug or in my case my $4 mini French Press from Ikea. Treat yourself to the pleasure of relaxing with tea and try something different by partaking in conversation with a loved one over a blooming tea. Its great to meditate alone, but every now and then meditating with others is empowering and rejuvenating.
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A Big Girl with an Athletic Friend


Perhaps I'm just lucky, but as a plus bigger girl my social life has never missed a beat for it. I go shopping, do cocktail parties, and whatever other outings fall in between. I also owe it to the fact that I have wonderful friends. This blog is dedicated to my childhood friend Candice, and our relationship as it has grown through the years. It also happens to be her birthday today, and we spent the weekend doing little things to celebrate her turning 28! We did a little shopping at Macy's which explains the pictures below.


 A little bit of how we know each other: we've known each other since Kindergarten, but we had a falling out around the age of 10 when I moved to public school. I found her again give or take 5 years ago as I was getting some fabric, she was the general manager. I also found out that the house that I had moved into at the time was on the same block, so we got into the habit of walking everyday together.  I've moved away to the current house I'm in now, but we still see each other when we can. Her current hobby is running, and I'm proud to say that she completed her first 5k/obstacle course last year. She's also an archer and her family breeds and trains hunting Labradors. The reason why I'm telling you all this is to show how very different we are. I wouldn't have it any other way.


Trust me, this didn't happen over night. We've worked out together, dieted together, binged together, and have gotten into plenty of fights about weight and lifestyle. I can't even really say that I've been there for her on her running journey; because I just can't relate. Just as much as she finds it difficult to understand that I have to fight a bit harder and be a bit tougher as a larger woman in the arts industry. The one thing that binds us together is that we want the best for each other, because we love who each of us has grown up to be. Other than the desire to travel and paint the town red, the only thing that binds us are our years of being together.

Recently, I've noticed Candice standing up for me and my weight. We were in a discussion with someone where they made a comment about me being on the verge of diabetes because of the way I looked. Politely, Candice did me the favor of mentioning how light of an eater I really am and confessed that she was the sweet tooth of the bunch. It was a subtle gesture but I really appreciated it. I'm so sick and tired of being the one that people pick on when they have issues with themselves because I'm an easy target due to appearance. I don't feel like I have a need to really defend the weight that I am or be ashamed because I'm a different from the rest. I eat healthy and I exercise daily, but my body doesn't quite work like everyone else. It helps to have friends of different walks of life than me that understand this. Because when it comes down to it, we're both still young women chipping their path into this world. This fact alone is why we need as much support as we can get! As I mentioned it doesn't happen over night, but when you do have that balance and it's golden.

Never apologize for who you are, there is strength in variety. I hope that sharing my relationship with Candice inspires you and help if your struggling with acceptance of who you are in your friend circles. Because there is too much pain in this world to be hurting the people we care about.
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2012 Is My Sweet Ride!


Today is one of those 'off' days for me. Lately my life has just been all over the place with so much opportunity and blessings crammed into such a short time. Then I have a day where I'm broke, and nothing eventful seems to be going on. Most of the time these days drive me mad; this falls into the most category... I never seem where to start or what I really should be doing after tidying things up.

Most of the day involved cooking, baking mini fruit pies and scones, and cuddling on the couch. It was a good day for these things since LA is having one of those rare occasional gloomy rainy weekends. The best part of these days are the talks with Eugene about the way things are going. This is when we made a fascinating discovery, we were utterly content.

Yes, this year has been so climatic in its failures and triumphs that I can honestly say that we have lived every bit of this year up until now. We have made our way without money, tasks, etc.; we pushed 2012 to the limit. As we come closer to the end of it dotting the I's and crossing the T's, we've had one hell of a ride. This month alone has turned out absolutely nothing like I would have expected. I've traded a quiet month of NaNoWriMo for so much more.

This my friends is an ugly day; the gem of being human in blog land. I haven't showered yet, I'm coughing, and I'm covered in grease and flour in a sweatshirt. There's a sense of comfort tell you this because I'm living and these days make the awesome days so much more. I've learned that blogging is a modern take on Carpe Diem where you learn to love the little things that fill your 24 hr days as you grow and shape into the person you were made to be. Today is just as much of a day as any other, and it's beautiful that way.

I have 5 remaining blessings for the month. Today while web browsing I came across blog posts intended to stop people from committing suicide through encouraging words. I was contemplating creating one sometime. In the meantime it got me to think of how the last post for the month should end. This has change my last 5 blessings, to things that I feel should matter and be simple truths in everyone's lives.

I've been saving them up, and with good long thought; here they are to share with you:


Trouble: Eugene and I concluded that we love to get into trouble. We've lived such a fulfilling life by never playing it safe. This very principle in life I'm grateful for. Its bliss that I have a partner. The Unseen: Not knowing what the future brings makes me feel like a bad ass! I mean think about it; living is staring life in the face and challenging it to bring what may. Being Human: I have ugly days, I fail, I am not perfect. But you know what? I'm still here, and I adapt and learn from my errors. Change:  Nothing beats looking back at a nostalgic beautiful past than a future. Growing up isn't a period of life, it's a never-ending fact of life.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. Another month of sheer astonishment at how much this blog has grown in such a short amount of time.

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Thoughts: Strength through Support


There was something missing for my Thanksgiving this year; part of my family was missing. My childhood Nanny, whom I now call my Aunt, called us the day after that she was admitted in the hospital and operated that day with Appendicitis. As you can imagine she was utterly depressed, switching her feast for a couple of lousy days of runny soup.

She's the manager of a vintage Hollywood Apartment complex that has been converted as a Senior Living center and lives there with her husband. Part of her job is that she's not allowed to leave the premises for a majority of the day. So what we did was bring Thanksgiving to her! My mom and I brought her favorite: Filipino food, and we had a second holiday with them.

The reason why I'm sharing this with you is because the experience was a changing point in my journey of discovering myself. In my earlier parts of this blog I expressed that I was going through a time of isolation where I wanted to get to the bottom of my feelings and the way that my life was moving. Slowly I've been going out again, seeing friends and family. I can say that this little Thanksgiving was a 'graduation' of my self dwelling and coming out refreshed and composed as the person I'm learning to be.

With a smiley face balloon in hand, I discovered that I as a positive being can be a healing force to others. Her face that night when I walked through the door was priceless. The meal around the television with styrofoam and plastic silverware was better than my traditional meal early this week. We laughed, shared stories, and did what families do: support. Perhaps this all sounds cheesy, or over said, but there is a simple truth in letting moments highlight your life and existence as a soul.

Be positive not just for you, but for the others that need you. You may not see it yet because you're in your process of self discovery; but you're a jewel to someone's life. The closer they get to that person you really are, the stronger the unity and support will be.


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Money Talk From A Young Blogger

I wanted to address this subject because I notice a good amount of bloggers are on the fence about the subject, so I took some time to give my opinion on this. 

As I'm new to this side of blogging culture, I'm amazed at the incredible honest community that has created this strong presence online. Without saying there is now an amazing way for people to share interest with total strangers creating unique friendships.

I was drawn to personal blogging because of my web browsing history. Almost everything that I was curious or interested in was answered in blog posts all across the web. I was also exposed to a different attitude towards everyday life. Its safe to say that the world online is much friendlier and united than the strange urban world I live in. Bloggers also made me feel like I wasn't crazy for pushing the creative envelope with colored hair, crafting, and a deep desire to make brainstorming apart of my everyday life.

I never take the straight way through things. I work in two industries that are flexible with no guarantees or rules set in stone. They're made for dreamers with guts, and those characteristics are so hard to find these days. I found my comfort in bloggers, in their strong statements that they refuse to be anything less than themselves. I wanted to be one of these inspirational individuals. This is the very reason that I created Tea Spectral.

About a few years ago I started a blog linked to my nonprofits blog. I wanted to share advice in the industry people new to it. Start a community, perhaps create a conversation and learn something as well. Without censoring myself I have to be honest with you: Article blogs are a bitch, and believe me, 95% of them want your page views for money. I left this scene for this very reason. So you can imagine my surprise at how personal blogging is there for many to earn money. I had a general understanding that personal blogs were capable of earning money. Learning about sponsors, giveaways, and other paid methods are still new to me. This being said I wanted to give this some thought to make sure I know where I stand on this at the moment. Here are my current thoughts on it.

I've started to pay for ad space here and there, but really its to gain more readers and build my community. Standing alone on a mountain goes against everything that blogging is about. Nothing breaks the shy bubble than telling the blogging world that you exist. I've considered adding the ad space option on my blog once I gain enough of a following. It's so easy to get starry eyed at the vision of living off of blogging; but I'm not counting on it. To be honest there are plenty of pro experienced bloggers that have been on the web for years and have built their empire and deserve every bit of praise and cent they earn. If I could have any financial goal for my blog it would simply be anything I earn would feed my creative endeavors. Now THAT to me would be living a dream! It's like giving a kid a gift card to a candy store...

My blog is pulsing with young blood and I put my love and care into it. I love watching it grow everyday. I've even started to have dreams about blogging. Its something I look forward to every morning when I wake up. These several weeks I've woken up with a smile on my face, making it worth while. My blog is for me to look back and see the beautiful person I can grow into through my creativity. For the world, I want to be an individual that stands for being unique and enjoying the little things that make me who I am; flaws and all. I have shitty days, great days, and plenty of plain ones. In the end of it all, each day is a day of my life, and I live it everyday doing my best to relish in the beauty of that simple fact. In the end: personal blogging to me is a hobby that celebrates all walks of life.

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My First Meditation Class (w/TEA)

This weekend I finally came around to trying meditation. This is something I've been wanting to try for quite sometime. When I was looking over the program of the Tea Festival and I saw the class, I knew that I had to take the class Meditation with Tea. The thought of anything for the first time with tea is something that I can easily dip my toes into. Think of it like your teacher holding your hand as they lead you to recess when you were younger, scary but comforting...

I was led to an open forum in the Japanese American Museums Resource Center just across from it. The walls were curvy and aided to a soothing water like feel. People were already gathering in a circle and I dived right in with a little courage (it helped me of course that Eugene was with me). The classes started and to my surprise it wasn't structured at all. I enjoyed that the Instructor felt the way the crowd was an slowly took her time getting to the points.

I got to learn breathing techniques and how to ween the mind from distractions and worries. The techniques were simpler than I thought they would be, which was opposite to the way my brain normally functions with it's task and competitive nature. We moved on to meditating on the blessings in our lives, something that everyone was happy to reflect on. We even did a writing exercise where we listed three things: what was on our mind that instant, what we were grateful for, and what people in our life we couldn't live without. She suggested we keep the poems to reflect on the next time that we do our meditations. She finished this exercise by handing us haikus and explaining how to meditate with them and poetry.

As for the tea, we reviewed how to be involved in the process of tea. We started with understanding the importance of meditation as the tea brews and being present with the pot and not to be distracted. Next we went over the idea of savoring the notes of flavor in the tea and using it to hone in on our senses. Her choices were a Keemun and a Green Darjeeling; both I felt were perfect since they are underrated for their complex notes and natural unique flavors.We also lightly discussed food pairings to add into the meditation of the tea process. The one highlight I took from the whole thing was the importance of taking a Sabbath for ones self. This is attained by picking a day out of the week just to relax and unwind. This way your soul and body are rejuvenated and ready for life's busy tasks.
Overall I really loved the whole experience. On a personal level, I adored learning from the wonderful Diana Rosen. She was so positive and enchanting and had a way of grabbing your attention softly but gracefully. As an advocate of body acceptance, I loved that she was bigger woman that didn't care about her image and ran the class with a balance of love and assertiveness. I hope to grow up with as much poise as her through experience and age.

I bought her book and I look forward to reading it. Just from flipping through it I can tell that she has an amazing directory and glossary from her personal tea journey. I look forward to further practices of meditation. I am starting with her breathing exercises every morning which have given me a burst of energy. I have yet to try tea meditation on my own, but I'm looking forward to it. Anyone curious about meditation, don't be scared to try even the simplest for of it. It's wonderfully beneficial.
-Stef

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OOTD: Ramona High

 
I love my job! I hope that one day my job as a CEO of a non-profit will become a full time and not seasonal career. We're coming up on our 3rd year which means we're finally eligible for grants, which in turns means our operations staff can finally have a chance at a regular stipend paycheck. It take plenty of love, self abandonment, and risk taking; and its been worth every heartache. It completes me, gives me that fast life I wanted, places to see, art to crack open from their shells.

Sunglasses: Lane Bryant, Necklace: Miscellanous Creation,
Sweater: Coldwater Creek, Shoes: TJ Maxx
I've become comfortable being a public speaker. I used to be conscience because of my weight, but when I started to do it more, I realized that people want to listen to what I have to say. Since then I look forward to when I can spread the word about my organization and my experience. I love the fact that I can give the future leaders a helping hand. I also feel like me in the right clothes puts a positive face to body image and confidence that they need to hear. I was tickled pink when I had the privilege to go to Ramona High School.

Ramona High is a private all girls catholic school. I didn't speak at this event, but Eugene and I brought a booth to represent my company. The assembly was created to honor girls that have done over 100 hours of volunteer service this year. That's a big deal! In a world thats lacking awareness and humanity, it's good to know there are the few that are willing to get out there and lend a hand. They had introduced the organizations there and allowed them to visit and talk with them like a mini volunteer fair. The girls had even created presentations of previous charities and clubs they helped at.
We were welcomed with open arms! I was so honored and humbled by these willing beautiful ladies. We got an ample amount of volunteers and good feedback. It's these events that give me that extra assurance that my mission is one that people need and are indeed listening to. My cause brings smiles, public conversation, and a haven for people to take a chance and be apart of something bigger than themselves.
So to all of those struggling with you're self image, keep in mind that there is more to you. Don't punish the world with your insecurities, there's a beautiful character waiting to be introduced. These girls are in the prime of insecurities: high school, and I cannot even imagine judging their willingness based on their inner securities. It's tough to fight your fears, but to live with it is far worse. Goodness knows if I let my fears guide me, I wouldn't be the bold role model I was blessed to become. Live your life, be you, be strong.
-Stef
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