There's a point in your life where everything you've know as the norm starts to no longer be there. You look in the mirror and you know that who you've seen is you, but the things that are apart of your everyday seemed to have evolved since you last gave it a good thought. Maybe its because I'm sick, maybe its because my company is moving quicker than I can keep up, or perhaps its a hard look at how age and wisdom have crossed paths in the past couple of months; the truth is things will change whether you choose to move on or not.
If you haven't guessed from the title, this particular post will be my evolution on the understanding of friendship. The subject has been a love/hate for me for awhile now. I was very fortunate to get strong advice on the subject and I would like to share the advice with you. As a creative person and a growing soul these steps have been life changing for me. These are the steps of training friends.
Before you freak out, this isn't a sort of BDSM mentality, not in the least, consider this the a way to allow your friends to acknowledge the you that you want them to see. These steps go both ways, as you will be training yourself on how to react with your friends. The results should be a more composed you which makes you a better friend, your friends will also have stronger quality time with you.
I first learned about these steps when for the first time in my life I got fired from a job, it was terrible and I felt like the world was coming to an end. I was swarmed with friends wanted to just stay in the negative about the situation. I couldn't be around them for much longer without going mad. I was blessed to have recently made friends with an actress from one of my previous production who was a Life Coach. Her advice on the news of my situation was very straight forward, almost cruel, but the way that she held no sympathy for me in this 'session' over the phone so honest that it stuck with me.
I am no ways a life coach and this isn't professional advice. Lately I've heard so many stories like mine of bullying from inner circles of friends, especially in this modern society where a person can keep tabs through media sites on others. It's good to be a 'good friend' that is willing to be there for a friend thick and thin, but that barrier of support and smothering is so extremely blurred. To the ones that care as far as it's hurting you, I hope that this will be of some help for you.
1. You for all your worth: It's not okay to feel bad when you're around any relationship. Take a good look at yourself, deep inside, and ask yourself why you have these feelings. If these signs don't come easy write them down. Next, ask yourself what would make you feel better or nurture you if you weren't around these people. Understand that this is a two way street. Whether you gave into peer pressure along the way or were embarrassed about sharing a side of you in life, you put at one point made it acceptable to bury this. For me, I was stretching my time thin with so many responsibilities that I thought that friendships should be on that checklist. I was so busy affirming others lives that I thought it was okay to tuck what I cared about away until they would get better. This was almost as bad as me lying to friends as I wasn't being candid and honest with them.
2. "Embrace the Solitude": That you that you kept hidden, search them out. Soul search a little, create, contemplate. You will become a better solid you, something that you will feel more grounded with, someone that your friends always knew was in you. At the same time acknowledge that this will take time; personal time. Contemplate your friendships take in the good memories and release the bad. Learn to let go of the traits that hurt you in a loving way. If they're clingy don't call them back so quickly and take your time when you're mentally ready. If their attitude towards things upset you take a break away from it, get off Facebook for awhile or firmly request for time away. "Embracing the Solitude" has been golden in my creativity, as an artist I allow my senses to stir and my mind to wander. I also have many more positive things to tell my friends which has made them happier as well.
3. Pick your battles: Now that you've sought out and found the harmony that works it's time to apply what you've learned through soul searching to the everyday. Build your routine with the things that make you happy daily. Don't let your friends ruin this for you, plan accordingly. There will still be trials in balancing both, but it gets easier as well. Also, as the signs of things that upset come up in a friend, think about it and accept the process of letting go lovingly all over again.
My day is so much more fulfilling, and I actually see and savor the small things in life now. Friendships I feel are stronger as a stronger me arises. I wish anyone that reads and tries these posts the very best. As being yourself is a freedom everyone should have daily.
-Stef
If you haven't guessed from the title, this particular post will be my evolution on the understanding of friendship. The subject has been a love/hate for me for awhile now. I was very fortunate to get strong advice on the subject and I would like to share the advice with you. As a creative person and a growing soul these steps have been life changing for me. These are the steps of training friends.
Before you freak out, this isn't a sort of BDSM mentality, not in the least, consider this the a way to allow your friends to acknowledge the you that you want them to see. These steps go both ways, as you will be training yourself on how to react with your friends. The results should be a more composed you which makes you a better friend, your friends will also have stronger quality time with you.
I first learned about these steps when for the first time in my life I got fired from a job, it was terrible and I felt like the world was coming to an end. I was swarmed with friends wanted to just stay in the negative about the situation. I couldn't be around them for much longer without going mad. I was blessed to have recently made friends with an actress from one of my previous production who was a Life Coach. Her advice on the news of my situation was very straight forward, almost cruel, but the way that she held no sympathy for me in this 'session' over the phone so honest that it stuck with me.
I am no ways a life coach and this isn't professional advice. Lately I've heard so many stories like mine of bullying from inner circles of friends, especially in this modern society where a person can keep tabs through media sites on others. It's good to be a 'good friend' that is willing to be there for a friend thick and thin, but that barrier of support and smothering is so extremely blurred. To the ones that care as far as it's hurting you, I hope that this will be of some help for you.
1. You for all your worth: It's not okay to feel bad when you're around any relationship. Take a good look at yourself, deep inside, and ask yourself why you have these feelings. If these signs don't come easy write them down. Next, ask yourself what would make you feel better or nurture you if you weren't around these people. Understand that this is a two way street. Whether you gave into peer pressure along the way or were embarrassed about sharing a side of you in life, you put at one point made it acceptable to bury this. For me, I was stretching my time thin with so many responsibilities that I thought that friendships should be on that checklist. I was so busy affirming others lives that I thought it was okay to tuck what I cared about away until they would get better. This was almost as bad as me lying to friends as I wasn't being candid and honest with them.
2. "Embrace the Solitude": That you that you kept hidden, search them out. Soul search a little, create, contemplate. You will become a better solid you, something that you will feel more grounded with, someone that your friends always knew was in you. At the same time acknowledge that this will take time; personal time. Contemplate your friendships take in the good memories and release the bad. Learn to let go of the traits that hurt you in a loving way. If they're clingy don't call them back so quickly and take your time when you're mentally ready. If their attitude towards things upset you take a break away from it, get off Facebook for awhile or firmly request for time away. "Embracing the Solitude" has been golden in my creativity, as an artist I allow my senses to stir and my mind to wander. I also have many more positive things to tell my friends which has made them happier as well.
3. Pick your battles: Now that you've sought out and found the harmony that works it's time to apply what you've learned through soul searching to the everyday. Build your routine with the things that make you happy daily. Don't let your friends ruin this for you, plan accordingly. There will still be trials in balancing both, but it gets easier as well. Also, as the signs of things that upset come up in a friend, think about it and accept the process of letting go lovingly all over again.
My day is so much more fulfilling, and I actually see and savor the small things in life now. Friendships I feel are stronger as a stronger me arises. I wish anyone that reads and tries these posts the very best. As being yourself is a freedom everyone should have daily.
-Stef
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