2012 Is My Sweet Ride!

Today is one of those 'off' days for me. Lately my life has just been all over the place with so much opportunity and blessings crammed into such a short time. Then I have a day where I'm broke, and nothing eventful seems to be going on. Most of the time these days drive me mad; this falls into the most category... I never seem where to start or what I really should be doing after tidying things up.

Most of the day involved cooking, baking mini fruit pies and scones, and cuddling on the couch. It was a good day for these things since LA is having one of those rare occasional gloomy rainy weekends. The best part of these days are the talks with Eugene about the way things are going. This is when we made a fascinating discovery, we were utterly content.

Yes, this year has been so climatic in its failures and triumphs that I can honestly say that we have lived every bit of this year up until now. We have made our way without money, tasks, etc.; we pushed 2012 to the limit. As we come closer to the end of it dotting the I's and crossing the T's, we've had one hell of a ride. This month alone has turned out absolutely nothing like I would have expected. I've traded a quiet month of NaNoWriMo for so much more.

This my friends is an ugly day; the gem of being human in blog land. I haven't showered yet, I'm coughing, and I'm covered in grease and flour in a sweatshirt. There's a sense of comfort tell you this because I'm living and these days make the awesome days so much more. I've learned that blogging is a modern take on Carpe Diem where you learn to love the little things that fill your 24 hr days as you grow and shape into the person you were made to be. Today is just as much of a day as any other, and it's beautiful that way.

I have 5 remaining blessings for the month. Today while web browsing I came across blog posts intended to stop people from committing suicide through encouraging words. I was contemplating creating one sometime. In the meantime it got me to think of how the last post for the month should end. This has change my last 5 blessings, to things that I feel should matter and be simple truths in everyone's lives.

I've been saving them up, and with good long thought; here they are to share with you:

Trouble: Eugene and I concluded that we love to get into trouble. We've lived such a fulfilling life by never playing it safe. This very principle in life I'm grateful for. Its bliss that I have a partner. The Unseen: Not knowing what the future brings makes me feel like a bad ass! I mean think about it; living is staring life in the face and challenging it to bring what may. Being Human: I have ugly days, I fail, I am not perfect. But you know what? I'm still here, and I adapt and learn from my errors. Change:  Nothing beats looking back at a nostalgic beautiful past than a future. Growing up isn't a period of life, it's a never-ending fact of life.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. Another month of sheer astonishment at how much this blog has grown in such a short amount of time.

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My First Meditation Class (w/TEA)

This weekend I finally came around to trying meditation. This is something I've been wanting to try for quite sometime. When I was looking over the program of the Tea Festival and I saw the class, I knew that I had to take the class Meditation with Tea. The thought of anything for the first time with tea is something that I can easily dip my toes into. Think of it like your teacher holding your hand as they lead you to recess when you were younger, scary but comforting...

I was led to an open forum in the Japanese American Museums Resource Center just across from it. The walls were curvy and aided to a soothing water like feel. People were already gathering in a circle and I dived right in with a little courage (it helped me of course that Eugene was with me). The classes started and to my surprise it wasn't structured at all. I enjoyed that the Instructor felt the way the crowd was an slowly took her time getting to the points.

I got to learn breathing techniques and how to ween the mind from distractions and worries. The techniques were simpler than I thought they would be, which was opposite to the way my brain normally functions with it's task and competitive nature. We moved on to meditating on the blessings in our lives, something that everyone was happy to reflect on. We even did a writing exercise where we listed three things: what was on our mind that instant, what we were grateful for, and what people in our life we couldn't live without. She suggested we keep the poems to reflect on the next time that we do our meditations. She finished this exercise by handing us haikus and explaining how to meditate with them and poetry.

As for the tea, we reviewed how to be involved in the process of tea. We started with understanding the importance of meditation as the tea brews and being present with the pot and not to be distracted. Next we went over the idea of savoring the notes of flavor in the tea and using it to hone in on our senses. Her choices were a Keemun and a Green Darjeeling; both I felt were perfect since they are underrated for their complex notes and natural unique flavors.We also lightly discussed food pairings to add into the meditation of the tea process. The one highlight I took from the whole thing was the importance of taking a Sabbath for ones self. This is attained by picking a day out of the week just to relax and unwind. This way your soul and body are rejuvenated and ready for life's busy tasks.

Overall I really loved the whole experience. On a personal level, I adored learning from the wonderful Diana Rosen. She was so positive and enchanting and had a way of grabbing your attention softly but gracefully. As an advocate of body acceptance, I loved that she was bigger woman that didn't care about her image and ran the class with a balance of love and assertiveness. I hope to grow up with as much poise as her through experience and age.

I bought her book and I look forward to reading it. Just from flipping through it I can tell that she has an amazing directory and glossary from her personal tea journey. I look forward to further practices of meditation. I am starting with her breathing exercises every morning which have given me a burst of energy. I have yet to try tea meditation on my own, but I'm looking forward to it. Anyone curious about meditation, don't be scared to try even the simplest for of it. It's wonderfully beneficial.
-Stef

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OOTD: Ramona High

 

I love my job! I hope that one day my job as a CEO of a non-profit will become a full time and not seasonal career. We're coming up on our 3rd year which means we're finally eligible for grants, which in turns means our operations staff can finally have a chance at a regular stipend paycheck. It take plenty of love, self abandonment, and risk taking; and its been worth every heartache. It completes me, gives me that fast life I wanted, places to see, art to crack open from their shells.

Sunglasses: Lane Bryant, Necklace: Miscellanous Creation,
Sweater: Coldwater Creek, Shoes: TJ Maxx

I've become comfortable being a public speaker. I used to be conscience because of my weight, but when I started to do it more, I realized that people want to listen to what I have to say. Since then I look forward to when I can spread the word about my organization and my experience. I love the fact that I can give the future leaders a helping hand. I also feel like me in the right clothes puts a positive face to body image and confidence that they need to hear. I was tickled pink when I had the privilege to go to Ramona High School.

Ramona High is a private all girls catholic school. I didn't speak at this event, but Eugene and I brought a booth to represent my company. The assembly was created to honor girls that have done over 100 hours of volunteer service this year. That's a big deal! In a world thats lacking awareness and humanity, it's good to know there are the few that are willing to get out there and lend a hand. They had introduced the organizations there and allowed them to visit and talk with them like a mini volunteer fair. The girls had even created presentations of previous charities and clubs they helped at.

We were welcomed with open arms! I was so honored and humbled by these willing beautiful ladies. We got an ample amount of volunteers and good feedback. It's these events that give me that extra assurance that my mission is one that people need and are indeed listening to. My cause brings smiles, public conversation, and a haven for people to take a chance and be apart of something bigger than themselves.

So to all of those struggling with you're self image, keep in mind that there is more to you. Don't punish the world with your insecurities, there's a beautiful character waiting to be introduced. These girls are in the prime of insecurities: high school, and I cannot even imagine judging their willingness based on their inner securities. It's tough to fight your fears, but to live with it is far worse. Goodness knows if I let my fears guide me, I wouldn't be the bold role model I was blessed to become. Live your life, be you, be strong.
-Stef

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Thoughts: Lighthearted Life

Saturday I spent a quiet day with Love in a strange space to spend one's weekend; my old Community College. It was hard to believe that 5 years ago I was running around it with all the woes of my world buried on my shoulder in a backpack of textbooks. The mood was eerie and estrange for the memorable location, as you might have guessed there was almost no one in sight. We had gone there for a sort of picnic and our college favorite boba shop was right across the street from the campus so we thought, 'Why not? The weather is finally cold!', so we went.

As we ate, I couldn't help to stare at one of the largest buildings on campus that was home to most of the Humanities classes and where I spent most of my years. On the top level, with billowing curtains and tall windows was the ever memorable Art101. Seeing it made my mind spin, I can't believe that only those very 5 years ago did I drop out and fail that class never to complete it. I just simply couldn't concentrate, it was nothing like what I learned in any art class. Nothing like my high school or Art Center classes; through the subject was the same it was agitating to me. Truth be told, it was just to stiff for an art class.

I cried a whole semester after the second time I left that class. I swore I would never get my Bachelor's in Art after that. It was so far away in that semester, I swore I would be stuck in junior college forever.  I reconsidered the back up plan of teaching, I switched my major to Art History and plowed through a semester of all the requirements for that major. Eventually I dropped out of that semester as well as I planned my first Theatre Production. Everything seems to be a blur after that, and somehow everything fell into the right place. I wish I could have told my younger self that it was all going to be AMAZING and more than she could ask for, but I would have ruined the surprise.

As we left the campus it got me to thinking, I now have that degree of my dreams from a college I love. Still, I have problems; new problems I would have never considered years ago. I wonder, what would my future self tell me? Would she even or would she leave it as a surprise?

Life has its surprises, they can be either good or bad. Still I can recall that semester of tears as being one of the biggest blessings for me. I had the desire to fight, to create, to transfer. I needed that push; the determination to want better, and I went with it. Life's not meant to be taken so seriously, it was given as a blessing to enjoy and thrive in. I encourage you to think of this: where were you 5 years ago? What hardships did you over come? More importantly, what simple happiness did you have?

Treasure that. Treasure it all, and let life thrive.

 -Stef

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Training Friends (And YOU): 3 Steps

There's a point in your life where everything you've know as the norm starts to no longer be there. You look in the mirror and you know that who you've seen is you, but the things that are apart of your everyday seemed to have evolved since you last gave it a good thought. Maybe its because I'm sick, maybe its because my company is moving quicker than I can keep up, or perhaps its a hard look at how age and wisdom have crossed paths in the past couple of months; the truth is things will change whether you choose to move on or not.

If you haven't guessed from the title, this particular post will be my evolution on the understanding of friendship. The subject has been a love/hate for me for awhile now. I was very fortunate to get strong advice on the subject and I would like to share the advice with you. As a creative person and a growing soul these steps have been life changing for me. These are the steps of training friends.

Before you freak out, this isn't a sort of BDSM mentality, not in the least, consider this the a way to allow your friends to acknowledge the you that you want them to see. These steps go both ways, as you will be training yourself on how to react with your friends. The results should be a more composed you which makes you a better friend, your friends will also have stronger quality time with you.

I first learned about these steps when for the first time in my life I got fired from a job, it was terrible and I felt like the world was coming to an end. I was swarmed with friends wanted to just stay in the negative about the situation. I couldn't be around them for much longer without going mad. I was blessed to have recently made friends with an actress from one of my previous production who was a Life Coach. Her advice on the news of my situation was very straight forward, almost cruel, but the way that she held no sympathy for me in this 'session' over the phone so honest that it stuck with me.

I am no ways a life coach and this isn't professional advice. Lately I've heard so many stories like mine of bullying from inner circles of friends, especially in this modern society where a person can keep tabs through media sites on others. It's good to be a 'good friend' that is willing to be there for a friend thick and thin, but that barrier of support and smothering is so extremely blurred. To the ones that care as far as it's hurting you, I hope that this will be of some help for you.

1. You for all your worth: It's not okay to feel bad when you're around any relationship. Take a good look at yourself, deep inside, and ask yourself why you have these feelings. If these signs don't come easy write them down. Next, ask yourself what would make you feel better or nurture you if you weren't around these people. Understand that this is a two way street. Whether you gave into peer pressure along the way or were embarrassed about sharing a side of you in life, you put at one point made it acceptable to bury this. For me, I was stretching my time thin with so many responsibilities that I thought that friendships should be on that checklist. I was so busy affirming others lives that I thought it was okay to tuck what I cared about away until they would get better. This was almost as bad as me lying to friends as I wasn't being candid and honest with them.

2. "Embrace the Solitude": That you that you kept hidden, search them out. Soul search a little, create, contemplate. You will become a better solid you, something that you will feel more grounded with, someone that your friends always knew was in you. At the same time acknowledge that this will take time; personal time. Contemplate your friendships take in the good memories and release the bad. Learn to let go of the traits that hurt you in a loving way. If they're clingy don't call them back so quickly and take your time when you're mentally ready. If their attitude towards things upset you take a break away from it, get off Facebook for awhile or firmly request for time away. "Embracing the Solitude" has been golden in my creativity, as an artist I allow my senses to stir and my mind to wander. I also have many more positive things to tell my friends which has made them happier as well.

3. Pick your battles: Now that you've sought out and found the harmony that works it's time to apply what you've learned through soul searching to the everyday. Build your routine with the things that make you happy daily. Don't let your friends ruin this for you, plan accordingly. There will still be trials in balancing both, but it gets easier as well. Also, as the signs of things that upset come up in a friend, think about it and accept the process of letting go lovingly all over again.

My day is so much more fulfilling, and I actually see and savor the small things in life now. Friendships I feel are stronger as a stronger me arises. I wish anyone that reads and tries these posts the very best. As being yourself is a freedom everyone should have daily.

-Stef

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