Autumn Web Cleaning 2014

Hello everyone,
Its been awhile, perhaps too long. Instead of apologizing for my behavior and inserting a bunch of typical feasible excuses, I'd like to explain more over why I've returned to my cyber cozy nook of the internet that I have called teaspectral.

I want to start by saying that I truly enjoyed my time on this site, blogging, and sharing a piece of my life with others. Things got in the way of this part of my life and I regret not keeping it up. There is something very human about personal blogs that I think keeps the online world reminded that in the end, this is about connecting others with a miraculous way. From something as silly as cutting my bangs in the bathroom, to shopping hauls to inspire women of all shapes and walks of life, I am grateful for those that have even paid a visit and witnessed me, a very human soul, do very human things. Thank you from the bottom of my heart visitors and subscribers alike.

I would also like to address that I really did enjoy blogging and I miss it still. Normally one would create a new blog with a new subject (and I've been down that way many a times), but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. I feel that there is something very brave about facing who you once were, and something braver about connecting them with your current self. This exactly what I intend to do with teaspectral. As much as so much has changed, so much has stayed the same. I must warn you, there are no 'gimmicks' to the return of me writing on the blog. I will continue to try to write what fascinates and inspires me, and yes there will be days where I will be in a rut and I will write sad things. I will say however, in the end you will get to know me very well, both new and the same.

Is it just me or have all the blogs I used to subscribe to simply fallen out of existence? I find that such a pity since I really did enjoy returning to my feed and reading other peoples work. I hope that I find other new bloggers along the way. I've added a picture of the former teaspectral before I revamp and design the site. I consider it beautiful spring cleaning.

Thank you for joining me fellow souls.

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The fine Pho morning

There's a magic to true friends, especially the ones that you rarely get to see. Sometimes I swear that moment you start talking like you just saw each other yesterday are some of the little things that make life worth living. I took Friday off from work to pick up Zinah at LAX. We ended up in the valley for a little pho.

 Zinah lives in Tennessee, and good Asian food is hard to come by. I was completely compliant when she asked for some Vietnamese food. Though, pho for breakfast is a new one for me; it made the food extra yummy ^^. Another thing that I was more than happy to provide Zinah with was the taste of boba again! The thought of being without boba and tea shops for longer than a couple of months makes me cringe.

The only thing that was missing was her husband, Kyle. I was completely bummed that he couldn't make it for this trip. Kyle, if you read this, I will try to find a way to ship some of this boba goodness your way!  In the meantime we're taking good care of your wife, promise.

We were almost reluctant to let her go. We made a last stop to Burbank to catch Dark Delicacies before bringing her to see her father. It was a great Friday, one of those Friday's that puts your priorities in check. One of which is to stop taking things too seriously.

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Thoughts: Lively Competition?

Concept Illustration from my novel. link

The year of 2013 has grown to be a fascinating one. I notice the hostility that was in the Holidays of 2012 seeping across the gap into the new year and coming full force. Be it Diet, Lifestyles, or just plain being the better person (...whatever that is...); this endless crankiness and gloating is concerning. I see it on blogs, Facebook, and most prevalent in the public. I'm concerned of how we've become a society of desperate individuals.

Then just when I was about to give up on humanity all together and hide in my shell at home; I see the spark of inspiration that is unique to L.A. life. Actors going full force, writers finishing script treatments, and live events organized to celebrate interest. Its a corner of the universe thats spreading and giving the glum a run for its money. Oh L.A.; the land of broken dreams and a thousand new ones. People often think that this obsession with artistic careers are all about fame and easy money, but I can tell you as a witness of this industry that its far from that: the reality is that people just love what they do and any form of it is a step to a happier reality.

In response I say all thats missing is encouragement. I've been going out on a whim to encourage people these days, and the response has been alarming. Being in a society that is constantly degrading your worth through comparisons and ideals its so easy to feel like you're alone. I hope that I can remind you that you've got a resource of positivity out there, be it your personal acquaintances or a supportive online community, there is someone always ready to listen. Do yourself a favor today by encouraging someone in their life endeavors. Whether its an artistic pursuit, or some new changes in their lives. Make them aware that you are listening, make an effort to understand them, and most importantly; make it known that they matter to you.

Its so easy to get lost in our shells of fear and hurt. If we keep this pattern of kindness and support moving; we can de-stress ourselves as a community. Then we can get down to the business of growth.

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Thoughts: A Raging Hurt Fatty

Be warned: 

This is a rant with grown up language (yes, profanity). If my personal life doesn't interest you please skip this post.

I'm not one to talk about my issues with people, but this has been the very bane of my existence as of lately that I'm tired of looking like I've got it all together and I'm not affected by these actions. I've grown a supportive and fairly descent following from not only strangers that share my interest, but family and friends as well: I think that lying to you that I am ok would be the wrong thing to do.

So this month is NOTHING as I expected: things that I thought could be finished in a week may well drag into the New Year, everyday has felt like a wild card, and this season has become the month of global PMS. Seriously? Being the fat chick in public automatically makes me an easy target, but the things that come out of peoples mouth's these days be it stranger or friends is simply repulsive.  I don't even want to recount the reckless nonsense that people's motives have been.

FOR THE RECORD: I find that fat people, especially women, do their best just to break their stereotypes everyday. We've not lazy, we are not glutinous pigs, and we are not all about the easy way out. If you ask me after being in category and culture of 'fat', we are the toughest most honest of people. On top of the criticism and society pressures: we go out of our way to be who we are just so we can continue a satisfying life beyond what's expected of us. I've been fat for a majority of my life and I've found true love, been a leader, and done things that I never thought I could. I've been featured on television, been a produced playwright FOUR TIMES AND COUNTING, guest spoke in one of the largest convention centers in the world... you guessed it, FAT! I'm not about to stop my life just because of the way I look displeases people.  I'm more than that, and I guarentee you that other fat people you see are so much more than there appearance.

Don't get me wrong, this post has nothing to do with denying a healthy lifestyle. This is about that time of the year when people get insecure about just about anything as the year closes and they are brought with a new year that will come with more opportunity and regrets. It's easy to feel down, pressured to be something else. Many, unfortunately, don't know how to handle these changes. Whether you do or don't, everyone is feeling the pressure of change upon them, and the best thing to do is be honest with yourself and understand where you stand about it.

For me, I'm scared. I feel like I'm not ready for the responsibilities that have been trusted on me. I'm stressed, cooped up, and hard up; believe me the blatant bullying has not made me a happy camper. Today I snapped, I cried, and I'm upset. I'm sure that I'll be pretty upset about all of this incessive harassment and behavior until the beginning of the next year when things usually die down. Hence why my mood is seeping into my blog; the beautiful album of my growing life that I can share with the world. I want this post to tell everyone that it's absolutely fine to be mad;  just let it go responsibly. Letting go has a lot to do with letting people around you know how you feel.

For those 'people': Come at me about my weight, money, or my relationship if you must but here's the truth about it: You're too fucking scared to deal with your own problems. I am starting to lose faith in you and the rest of the world because of this very reason. I may not call you out in person, or look like I didn't notice what you meant by 'it' but I'm just too nice and mature to stoop to your level. I'm just as stressed as you are, and my willingness to tell you about these things or my rare chances to go out are my few releases from my issues. Don't go ruining it for me, or try to be greedy and take that little bit of happiness out of my day. Don't try to piggy back on my efforts either as I busted my back working for these things that I treasure and made myself the person I am today. I'm nice, but every nice person has a limit. If your offended by this post I'm happy: Come and chat with me about it!

Wow, you made it through the whole thing. Thank you for listening, I meant it.

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